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Dan Bull - I sold myself on eBay lyrics

[Preamble]
Ahem
Let me spin you a little yarn
Weave a tale or two
If you know what I mean

[Verse 1]
I cut you no slack, this is a bossa nova throwback
Brought to you in a**ociation with paramount sew-vac
The local business where snitches can go to get their stitches
Without the need for extortionate medical a**istance

[Chorus]
Re-read the text, I'll hide a load of sewing puns
While other rappers are just millin' about, showing guns
If you're having sewing problems, I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems, but a stitch ain't... one

P-p-paramount
Sewing
P-paramount
P-p-p-paramount
Sewing
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[Verse 2]
You probably never heard of me
I like to do embroidery
It's a whole other side of me
You've cottoned onto finally
It's not my fault, the bottom line is
That I'm dressed to jest, it's prolly best
You swap your polyester vest for the warp and weft
Of a razzle dazzle fab upholstery
Tweed suits like Basil Fawlty
It seems you need to work on your self esteem
You're acting salty
Grab a haberdashery, then add a dash of me
That's a fantastic patterned lavish fabric tapestry
Imagine Al Pacino in alpaca chinos
Strollin' out of the casino
Down to paramount cause he knows
His clothes need loads of work
To stay lookin' superior
Who woulda thought that such a notion would be real
But here we are!

[Lyrics from: https:/lyrics.az/dan-bull/-/i-sold-myself-on-ebay.html]
[Chorus]
Re-read the text, I'll hide a load of sewing puns
While other rappers are just millin' about, showing guns
If you're having sewing problems, I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems, but a stitch ain't... one

P-p-paramount
Sewing
P-paramount
P-p-p-paramount
Sewing
P-paramount

[Verse 3]
Whether made of tweed, fleece, linen, crepe, brocade or knitted
Whatever way I spin these lyrics
I guarantee that they are tailor fitted
To the beat, even if you think I skipped it
I bring that thread back through the needle
On the groove sits in
I'm in the pocket, you're bobbin' your head
Til I ruffle your feathers
And pull you together, like cotton and thread
Like a dressmaker
My fingers are deft, nimble
No frills, it's dead simple
I am a thex thimble
I am the oddest spitter, lyrical bodice ripper
Not cause I'm hot, but cause I can't undo the bloody zipper
Do me a favor, would you, buddy?
Run and get the scissors
But don't run back with them
Or you'll be cut to bloody ribbons

[Chorus x 2]
Re-read the text, I'll hide a load of sewing puns
While other rappers are just millin' about, showing guns
If you're having sewing problems, I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems, but a stitch ain't... one

Re-read the text, I'll hide a load of sewing puns
While other rappers are just millin' about, showing guns
If you're having sewing problems, I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems, but a stitch ain't... one

P-p-paramount
Sewing

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