Dan Bull - Facebook Epic Rap lyrics

[Verse 1] I log onto Facebook sometimes And it's telling me your gallery's updated but five Hundred of your pictures are the same, it looks like You're pissed up every day with your mates at club nights And I hate to be uptight, but I just find It a shame you're afraid of the sunlight And why do people never quite look like Their profile picture they pick for the front? Why it's funny what the camera does to you That must be why you're stood by someone fatter and uglier So you look better in comparison, but it's apparent that You're shallow and that that's what you've done here Nah - you look absolutely fabulous So let's have a game of Scrabulous Mafia Wars! Mafia Wars! How many times do I have to click ignore? I didn't want to play it when you asked me before So what the hell are you still asking me for? If only there was an application That let me smash your face in [Hook] 600 million people like me like this Are you taking the piss Or is there something I've missed? [Verse 2] Attempting a Facebook Chat's neverending It says this forever: "sending... sending..." Exactly after you've said something Regretful it's essential it gets corrected Like: I was chatting to my friend and said this "Let's get together, for a bevvy this weekend, Chris" But cos it only sent the first section He gets the impression there's s**ual tension Now there's an extra dimension to friendship I didn't expect, and flipping heck did I mention I hate the rate of your inane status updates I couldn't give a (pop) you've just baked some cupcakes If you wouldn't tell me in the pub to my face Why would I want it cluttering my front page? Some days I'm amazed to witness The sh**ness of other people's daily business And I'm sick with these lazy idiots: "I lost my phone, can you post up your digits?" They say if it exists, there's p**n of it Well now there's also a Facebook wall for it "If a million people join this group Then I'll call my first born boy Sue" "Oi you, are you coming to my concert?" "Well I would, but I'm on another continent" Every time I log on there's a berk Who's certain he's an entrepeneur. Sir You don't understand, I won't become a fan Of your club promoter brand or Stones cover band If you're looking for fans you need another plan Stop spamming us with your rubbish ads On the other hand, if you're watching this Click on the link and become a fan of Dan [Hook] [Verse 3] It must be productively harmful When there's less farmers on farms than on Farmville "I'm milking a cash cow for sheep, wanna buy some?" I'm thrilled, can you see my excitement? These ads are leaving me frightened How can they see I need my teeth whitened? Now the security's been tightened It's even easier to peek at your private Details, "just provide us your e-mail We'll make your penis three times the size" And hiding's not an option, this is social Global is the new local Applications, invitations Poking, open relations If it's a complicated situation You won't fix it with switching your status Suggesting I add a lad that went to my cla** I haven't met since reception, why dredge up the past? "We should reconnect, we haven't spoke in a while" I know, that's cause I find you totally vile If we met now, we'd both run a mile So why's this bloke on my file? Next time I'm asked "what's on my mind?" I might just click in the box and reply: [Hook]