Dan Bern - One Thing Real lyrics

I come down the steps I slip on the ice Santa Claus been lookin' Who's been naughty, who's been nice I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight And Jesus, he comes up to me Jesus, he sits down He says, "Take this f**in' cross off my back I'm goin' downtown." I say, "Aw, but ain't that your uniform?" He offers me a toke Says 2000 years is long enough For this particular joke He says, "I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight." And I'm up here singin' These songs every night Sometimes I wanna just make 'em all Up on the spot Maybe they wouldn't rhyme too good And they might not make sense But then at least I wouldn't be Repeating myself I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight And you're the one I've chosen And I guess you've chosen me Let's turn off the commercials Let's turn off the TV How well can we get to know Each other in an hour We can fight the daylight We have that power I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight And Van Gogh sits next to me With a bucketful of paste He rips off my ear and says, "Glue this to my face." I'd like to leave America For someplace where they would Not know a word of English And I might be understood I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight