Dan Bern - President lyrics

I raised up my hand & said I solemnly swear One January day And just like that I was the President of the U.S.A Just like that I was the President of the U.S.A There were limos, bands & speeches Parties to go to I said all that will have to wait There's so much to do Them parties can wait, there's so much to do My first day I offered statehood To Cuba & Mexico Cuba: 1 state, Mexico: 6 All or nothing, that's how it goes No more border patrols & human smuggling We'll deal with our own neighborhood And a few more stars & some green in the flag Seems like it might be good And maybe Israel & Palestine Will follow our lead and just combine And then become Israelstine, who knows? Anyway, that's my first day Second day I told Detroit Start makin' cars that don't use gas And I give everybody a big rebate And they started sellin' fast We'll stop burnin' up the air we breathe And makin' the planet boil And we won't have to kiss the a** Of whoever's got the oil Since before Hoover The farmers have got the short end of the stick With the help of our Cuban brothers We'll go communistic (collective farms!) Capitalism is a fine thing If it works, then great, okay But if it don't, you gotta try something else That's what I did on my third day My fourth day all of our troops came home From all around the earth Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran More trouble than they're worth And I was tempted to say "I'm sorry We'll rebuild you with money and men." But I just said, "You're on your own And don't f** with us again." My fifth day I changed the army So it's all of us or none We'll all tie knots and walk through mud Pitch tents and fire a gun With just a few of us as warriors And the rest of us gone soft Martians could come and zap us Ain't gonna happen on my watch Day six I swore no prisoner more Would face his d**h inside Thou shalt not k**, applies to us all Too many mistakes besides Day six I swore no prisoners more Would ever face his d**h At least until my jury hears The crimes of President Bush Day seven was hot, I legalized pot And none of this decriminalizing crap Let it grow in glory, end of story Then I burned one & took a nap Hemp will help the farmers We'll grow hemp everywhere One acre of hemp's like ten acres of trees And hemp grows back next year My eighth day I made health care Apply to everyone If you get sick, see a doctor That's how my government's run And by the way abortion Is included in this plan No one tells a girl how to treat her body Least of all some man My ninth day I said sorry This government is no fool Ain't gonna pay you extra to send your kid to some Weird-a**, wacko school We'll do our best to make our schools The best anyplace on earth If they ain't good enough, think about it Before you go give birth My tenth day I made it okay To marry whoever you Would be willing to ride with On a bicycle built for two Marry a woman, marry a man Marry a monkey too Marry a big old rhino And visit him at the zoo And that was my first ten days My first two working weeks Lots of work for the bureaucrats And the paper-pushing geeks Next we'll need a little time To go and just have fun So we added some new holidays The next week, one by one Monday was national nude day Everyone disrobed Tuesday was national stoned day Everyone got stoned Wednesday was national painting day Thursday no television Friday was tennis, John McEnroe helped From his cabinet position Saturday, s** with impunity day With no repercussions Sunday, do it all: Nude, stoned, tennis, painting, s**, no tv -- enjoy! Just be ready for work on Monday Well, my cabinet, as previously mentioned Includes John McEnroe And Wavy Gravy and Michael Franti And Ani DiFranco Muhammad Ali, Madonna Maya Angelou, Brad Pitt And Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky And we'll watch 'em both go at it Next we'll get that Stephen Hawking And make him a citizen and stuff He's the smartest guy in the world England's had him long enough And I will not run for re-election Four years enough of this 'Cause between you and me I hate politics I raised up my hand & said I solemnly swear One January day And just like that, I was the president Of the U.S.A Just like that (just like that) Just like that (just like that) Just like that (just like that) Just like that (just like that) Just like that I was the President Of the U.S.A