1. I wake up to A nightmare His armpits in my face It's making gastric noises And stinking up the place His teeth are in the coffee cup On the night stand by my bed There's A smelly old gym sock On the pillow by my head A holey pair of underwear Is hanging on the door A pepperoni pizza is lying Face down on the floor I put my feet against his back And give A mighty kick He crawls over to the bathroom And he's in there getting sick Chorus: There's A nightmare in my bathroom And it's such A scary sight There's A nightmare in my bathroom And it's such A scary sight This creature's not the same guy Who took me home last night 2. He stumbles from the bathroom With his finger up his nose It's shoved up to the knuckle I wonder where it goes I gotta get him outta here Before it's light outside Cause if the neighbors saw him Id consider suicide I suddenly remember It wasn't at the bar I met him down on third street He was barking at the cars I grab A dried up soup bone From the dog dish on the floor He goes running out to fetch it As I fling it out the door (Repeat chorus)