Cledus T. Judd - Cledus Went Down to Florida lyrics

Cledus went down to Florida, he was lookin' for a car to steal He was in a bind, ten payments behind, so the bank repo'd his wheels When he came across this old man down at Jalopy's Used Car Lot Then Cledus jumped up on the top of one and said, "Feller, let me tell ya what Now I'm not gon' be proud of the deed I'm 'bout to do Well, no time to spare, I gotta be somewhere, so I'm gonna steal a car from you Now I've seen you're selection here, and I admit the pickins are few I know the Pinto's gold, but consider it stoled, 'cause I got a show to do." The man said, "My name's Jalopy," as he gave an evil grin 'Cause he knew that car wouldn't get too far 'fore the motor blew up again Cledus you better hit the road if you're gonna be a star The show's way up in Georgia, and you're op'nin up for Garth You're future's ridin' on this shiny Pinto painted gold And if you're late it's Jeff Foxworthy's show Oh gosh! A pinto my foot. It drives more like a horse and buggy. Dern! Cledus said, "No way in heck he's gonna op'm up that show." Then fire flew from the manifold as his right front tire blowed Then he pushed that wreck across the street, 'n man was Cledus tissed And he tried 'n tried to start 'er up, but it sounded somethin' like this .......Come on,...come on,...oh gosh! I'm in a mess. What am I gonna do? My one big shot for Garth Brooks. Aw-hehe-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, oh dern it! When Cledus opened up the hood, he said, "I'll be a son of a gun!" And it didn't take long to figure out why the heck it wouldn't run Fire from the engine, lots of smoke He can already hear them redneck jokes Dadblamed oilpan layn' in the road Will he make the show? Heck no, heck no! Ho-ho. (whistle) Taxi, Greyhound, yeller cab, somebody! I'll show him a redneck. He'll have a red neck when I get my hands around his throat. I'm sick of it. Cledus shook his head as he watched Foxworthy's show And he heard him joke of how he pa**ed a burnin' old Pinto Then later on, Garth told Cledus, "You'll never get the chance again." As he gave the check to that derned redneck who drove a Mercedes Benz He said, "Tough break big guy. Before I go, Would ya like to hear another redneck joke? Did you know I got my own t.v. show?" Well, does anybody watch it? No, heck no! Well, you might be a redneck if your momma and daddy catches ya out behind the barn whippin' Jeff Foxworthy for talkin' about rednecks all time. Ah shoot, I'm jes kiddin' Jeff. I wished I could be your best friend. Do you like me? I'd love to be on your t.v. show. Come here to me!