CKL - Dead inside lyrics

[Instrumental: DOOM & RZA - Books Of War] [Intro] Listen to this beat man, on my MF doom sh** right now Ckl [Verse 1] Headed towards rock bottom, landed 6 ft off the mark Started digging my own grave, been 20 years so far Thought i saw a light, a shine, when jenn was mine But its clear now nothing in my life is gen-u-ine So i f**ing think to myself that its really kind- A sad that my social sk**s will always be this bad And that i take everything all too much for granted I meant it, friends, family, time on this planet I spent it, all of my time doing nothing useful Mid life crisis at 20, the f** is feeling youthful Just being truthful, life feels pointless as f** Is it derealization speaking or am i sh** out of luck I feel worthless, blame it on the add Poor addition to my life, thats already knee deep In sh**, i wanna quit, but thats selfish I can't help it, just how my brain works, this is hellish I can't tell if, this is normal or if its just me I've always been a piece of sh**, but now I'm feeling crazy [Verse 2] Wish i had xannies, dissociating at night Been poppin addies daily for demotivated life Living with a flawed mind, i feel like i been Chemicals imbalanced like failing intro to chem I feel condemned everyday as i wake up and breathe As if life isn't what they made it out to be I can't write bars, so i hit em when i hate me I shoot the sh** daily; talkin o.z and m.g I feel empty [Verse 3] Survival of the fit Definitely dont remember signing up for this sh** God skipped the eulogy, just sent me out to mourn Royalty like queen, but wish id never been born at all Feelin so small in the whole universe Therapy from verse, but its just makin it worse Lifes a curse, know theres 7 bill in the world In my eyes, theres no one out there, no grill, no girl, i mean Sometimes i feel like i dont value my friends Guess they are a means to what f**ing ends For me, one forty three, i said it, didn't feel real Cause to me, they're a piece of meat with no depth and no feel, but it- Gives me peace of mind when i believe That these f**ing women have no personality Maybe its all because of my social anxiety That im illogical and use all these fallacies Always feelin correct with my flawed perspective Paradoxical thoughts but can't interject it I can't respect it, but without these amphetamines I dont have the means to leave all these screens- All day, instead of doing something productive f** this, not doing sh** fore i kick the bucket Emotionally numb, this sh** is so f**ing dumb Can't even count the reasons to give a f** on my thumb My mortality and existence just plague my mind But i know in the end, no man can escape from time So i write a rhyme to try alleviate my pain Only to forget that i have nothing left to gain