CKL - 3 years lyrics

[Instrumental: P.SOUL - marbles] [Intro] Yo New track Ckl [Verse 1: ckl] Been 3 years of denial, 3 years of pain 3 years i been silent, 3 years tryin say That im still attached to an ideal that never existed But i can't stop the feel towards a thing i never missed yeah But my focus i fixed it on this girl created in my mind Keep sayin its time to get back on my grind Grind towards what, a goal ill never know A verse that never flows, a river dry long ago Just a bed of sticks and stones that hurt me Inanimate and irrelevant but i can't skrrt see cuz Im addicted to her face, im addicted to this dream Every night i see her there, but her man ill never be And i know itll never work, but it keeps away the hurt [Verse 2: ckl] Call it a mechanism, a delusional machine A person never born, but in my mind i always seen A personality i created just to keep me wishin Plenty of fish in the sea, but i was never fishin Broken rod, infertile by choice, the tree ends here Lifetime supply fertilizer water, dont forget the fear Pretend its of commitment or of foreign things Say i want something real and avoid the flings But im just avoiding whats really going on I keep going on about never being wrong But its a trick and it keeps away the treat Of living a life where i embrace reality That im afraid to open up and get shut down Cuz deep down i know i won't ever leave this town Safe place, t dot,its a simple ideal Period of my life where i can deny my feel Say that im real and the most authentic around But i found out that im just blocking out all the sound Of myself telling me that its all just a lie I wanna die, just to avoid my broken life Internal strife, small strides at a time So that i dont get excited only left to sigh Desire to cry, but my face is dry, facial drought This came about when i stopped going out Deny myself the opportunity for joy Grow my face hair out but inside im still a boy Freud would say that im fixated at a phase And im still amazed that he knew about this maze [Verse 3: ckl] Hedges of defence and pledges of correct Im always on the fence, least resistance i select The path i deem right is the path thats wrong And i try to justify it by making it into a song I mean what the f** else am i supposed to do All i think about at night is a message to shoot On facebook to her when she wants zero To do with me, she denies i was ever here no So its justified cuz she had no interest Just put in a situation where she had to say yes I say its xenophobia, i say it was timing But the truth comes out when i start this rhyming Cause i unravel my mind and discover the truth That she was uncomfortable and to blame was you [Verse 4: ckl] Talking in third person like a high school essay Puppy love relationship, of course it was messy Kicked myself around like a ball on the ground I still justify it cuz im stuck at 160 pound 15 month membership, but i only went a week I'm staying weak, speak just to keep my personality meek As one excuse of many so i can handle rejection Talk sh** on others, but its just a projection An image that doesnt exist, i build myself up to be like Fake it till you make it, but a lifetime's too long right? Wrong and thats why i wanna hit the bong Hate the green but i like when my mind is on Other things, anything keeping me occupied Why i get fried, to tick away all the time Because they said that it would heal away all of my wounds But thats been a lie ever since i left the womb [Verse 5: ckl] Because the days are getting shorter And im crying bloody murder But it dont relieve the pain So i listen to that porter To drown out the sad in a sea of voices But then the mere existence of the noises Reminds me that im still alive And have to deal with this sh** till the day i die Just remember, its 60 more years till you can quit Retirement from life, but where are the benefits So i light the cig and hope it goes by faster Neither quantity nor quality, just shorter laster Life starts off as a mold of plaster You fill it over time and mine's filled with ashes A tray of regret, a trainwreck thats just my life One poor decision at a time, just waiting for the scythe Damn