If I had a million dollars If I were an entrepreneur I would rent the Plaza Hotel for a day Rent an Englishman for the door I'd send out embossed invitations Announcing: Come one, Come all To the social event of the season The Annual bag ladies ball From the streets of Greenwich Village From the benches on Tenth Avenue From the tenements of Harlem Would come bag ladies two by two Dragging their treasures behind them Humming some faraway song It's a sight New Yorkers will never forget Bag ladies marching along Now they'll each get a suite for the evening With a bath and a telephone They'll dine in the elegant Oak Room With their bag lady friends, not alone They'll sip Champagne in the Palm Court Stroll down the carpeted halls Now excitement is mounting for everyone At the annual bag ladies ball Precisely at 10 the music begins Bag ladies crowd the dance floor There's waltzes and foxtrots and tangos and two steps And sambas, merenges and more They exchange the politest of pleasantries As they gracefully sway to the tunes When the band takes a break, they're served Ice cream and cake And are all given silver balloons Oh, but the evening ends all too quickly For these old women of the streets They repair to their clean white feather beds In their elegant private suites Then it's room service in the morning Coffee and croissant for all Then it's back to the life they're so used to 'Till next years bag ladies ball.