Well I'm in love with a man Who loves to camp He camps when it's sunny He camps when it's damp All he needs is a tent A sleeping roll A package of hot dogs And a sack of charcoal He camps in the desert He camps in the snow He says baby come with me I say no. You see I like hot showers And I like ice The cool cotton sheets on my bed feel so nice I'm afraid of little animals I'm scared of big bugs I like the feel of bare feet on a Berber rug I can't stand port-a-sans Community soap I say baby stay with me He says no. So I said why deprive yourself Of the creature comforts It's taken man so long to invent And he said somethin' about Walden Thoreau and back to Woodstock Livin' his life in a tent Oh I can picture him now by a babblin' brook Slappin' at mosquitos Slippin' bait on a hook I can see the bear sniffin' round for something to steal Oh bears, eat a hot dog, don't make my baby your meal This whole scenario would give me such a fright To think he coulda stayed with me tonight... Where my air conditioner makes a real cool breeze Not unlike the wind whistlin' through the trees I've got stars on my ceiling that glow in the dark I'll open up the windows we can hear the birds in the park I'll put Wild Kingdom on my TV This might not be camping but it's pretty close Honey I'll act as primitive as you want me to be This might not be camping but it's close enough for me!