Charles Strouse - Normal American Boy lyrics

Reporter: He's coming! He's coming! Conrad Birdie is coming! Hey Conrad, how about answering a few questions? How do you feel about joining in the Army? Albert: How does he feel? You ask how he feels? He's much too shy to tell you, So, I'll tell you how he feels He feels brave and eager! Strangely humble! Proud to be a plain GI! Rosie: He will gladly face those bullets, For he's not afraid to die! Chorus: For he's a fine, upstanding, patriotic, healthy, normal American boy! Albert: And that's why he volunteered for... Reporter: Volunteered? I thought he was drafted! And he appealed...three times! Rosie: Sing! Girls: We love you, Conrad Oh yes we do We love you, Conrad And we'll be true! When you're not near us We're blue! Oh, Conrad, we love you... Albert: Very nice! Reporter: Say, what's the pitch on that Hollywood starlet, Conrad? Are you two engaged? Rosie: Is he engaged? Is Conrad engaged? There's absolutely nothing to the rumor he's engaged! Albert: She's a real pal, like a sister, but it doesn't mean a thing! And that eighteen carat diamond, it was just a "friendship" ring! Chorus: For he's a fine, upstanding, patriotic, healthy, normal American boy! Reporter: Then why was her husband so mad? Albert: Sing! Girls: We love you, Conrad Oh yes we do We love you, Conrad And we'll be true! Reporter: Hey, Mr. Peterson, give us the scoop. Is Conrad still drinking a lot? Rosie: Now listen here! This gossip must stop! He goes to church each Sunday and he doesn't touch a drop! Albert: He's as decent as a minister! Rosie: Absolutely. Albert: He's as sober as a judge! He subscribes to ev'ry charity! And his hobby's making fudge! All: For he's a fine upstanding, patriotic, healthy, normal American boy Reporter: Is it true that you found Conrad in a Reform School? Rosie & Albert: That is a lie! A lie thru and thru! I'll tell you where he came from, here's the story and it's true! Rosie: He was born in Indochina, Albert: He was born in old Virginie Rosie: Son of missionaries there! Albert: On a thousand acre farm! Rosie: Very poor and very hungry Albert: From a line of wealthy planters Rosie: What a cruel life to bear! Albert: Full of genteel, southern charm! Rosie: Then he drifted down to Hong Kong Albert: Every evening, by the river Rosie: To a waterfront saloon! Albert: In the moonlight they would croon! Rosie: That is where I heard him singing Albert: That's where Conrad started singing Rosie: 'Neath that dirty Hong Kong moon! Albert: 'Neath that sweet plantation moon! (In unison) Adults: Oh, beautiful for spacious skies For amber waves of grain America, America, God shed His grace on thee. Teens: We love you, Conrad! Oh, yes we do! We love you, Conrad, and we'll be true. Oh, oh, Conrad, we love you We love you, Conrad, and we'll be true. (End unison) All: For he's a fine upstanding, av'rage, modest, patriotic, Healthy, normal American, American boy!