Every Fall when the leaves turn brown Friday evening rolls around I sit down in my TV chair And my face a**umes a TV stare Goodbye world, goodbye family It's football time It's highlight films of last week's games Commercials starring big league names an*lysis of all the plays Picking the winners for Saturday Interviews with the stars Interviews with the waterboy Interviews with the fullback's grandmother On Saturday it's do or die For dear old Siwash will defy, the enemy to dim our stars Who have their eyes on brand new cars Thank God for scholarships Thank God for alumni Thank God for the School of Education Now my poor wife has got it rough 'Cause Saturdays would be enough But Sunday's a tale she knows too well A double header in the NFL She says I don't listen to her Said she was going to Reno Sounded to me like a new formation Now half time shows with pretty girls In little short skirts and long blond curls But who's got time for majorettes When NBC has got the Jets And I just can't afford two sets But don't fret Jets With four hundred thousand dollars for Namath And two hundred thousand for Huarte You can spend them to d**h The terminology is giving me fits It's red-dogs, cornerbacks, double safety blitz Jitterbugging, automatic, submarine, zip Zig-out, down-and-out, collarbone, hip Listen to the huddle Hear the quarterback say "Tucker, just take that ball and run for your life It's your turn to be on instant replay" Well, as I sat there sipping beer A shoe came whistling by my ear A bullet pa**, I really mean it went right through the TV screen My wife was laughing hysterically I said "Don't worry honey, I can have it fixed by next Saturday" NOTES: SIWASH is a fictional college in stories by American author George Fitch. It connotes a small, usually inland, college that is notably provincial in outlook. RENO = Reno, Nevada. Quickie Marriage/Divorce capitol of the US at the time. NAMATH = Joe Namath, quarterback of the New York Jets in the middle 1960s. HUARTE = John Huarte, 1964 Heisman Trophy winner and quarterback of the Boston Patriots in 1966.