Cats Musical - Whole Musical lyrics

1.Prologue: Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats Are you blind when you're born? Can you see in the dark? Dare you look at a king? Would you sit on his throne? Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark? Are you co*k of the walk when you're walking alone? Because Jellicles are and Jellicles do Jellicles do and Jellicles would Jellicles would and Jellicles can Jellicles can and Jellicles do When you fall on your head do you land on your feet? Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air? Can you find your way blind when you're lost in the street? Do you know how to go to the Heaviside Layer? Because Jellicles can and Jellicles do Jellicles do and Jellicles can Jellicles can and Jellicles do Jellicles do and Jellicles can Jellicles can and Jellicles do Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant? Familiar with candle, with book and with bell? Were you Whittington's friend? The Pied Piper's a**istant? Have you been an alumnus of Heaven and Hell? Are you mean like a minx? Are you lean like a lynx? Are you keen to be seen when you're smelling a rat? Were you there when the pharoahs commissioned the sphinx? If you were, and you are, you're a Jellicle cat Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze We can turn double sumersaults, bounce on a tire We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire Jellicles can and Jellicles do Jellicles can and Jellicles do Jellicles can and Jellicles do Jellicles can and Jellicles do Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Can you sing at the same time in more than one key Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss And can you (as cats do) begin with a 'C' That always triumphantly brings down the house? Jellicle cats are queen of the nights Singing at astronomical heights Handling pieces from the Messiah Hallelujah, angelical choir The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity Round the cathedral rang "Vivat," Life to the Everlasting Cat! Feline, fearless, faithful and true To others who do - what Jellicles do and Jellicles can Jellicles can and Jellicles do Jellicle cats sing Jellicle chants Jellicles old and Jellicles new Jellicle song and Jellicle dance Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Pactical cats, Dramatical cats Pragmatical cats, Fanatical cats Oratorical cats, Delphicoracle cats Skeptical cats, Dispeptical cats Romantical cats, Penantical cats Critical cats, Parasitical cats Allegorical cats, Metaphorical cats Statistical cats and Mystical cats Political cats, Hypocritical cats Clerical cats, Hysterical cats Cynical cats, Rabbinical cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats There's a man over there with a look of surprise As much as to say Well now, how about that? Do I actually see with my own very eyes A man who's not heard of a Jellicle cat? What's a Jellicle cat? What's a Jellicle cat? 2.The Naming Of Cats The naming of cats is a difficult matter, It isn't just one of your holiday games You may think that I'm as mad as a hatter When I tell you a cat must have three different names First of all, there's the name that the family use daily Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Baily - All of them sensible, everyday names There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter - But all of them sensible, everyday names But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular A name that's peculiar, and more dignified Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride? Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum - Names that never belong to more than one cat But above and beyond there's still one name left over And that is the name that you never will guess; The name that no human research can discover But the cat himself knows, and will never confess When you notice a cat in profound meditation The reason, I tell you , is always the same His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name His ineffable, effable, effanineffable Deep and inscrutable singular name Name, name, name, name, name, name 3.The Invitation To The Jellicle Ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one come all The Jellicle Moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one come all The Jellicle Moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one come all The Jellicle Moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball Jellicle cats meet once a year At the Jellicle Ball where we all rejoice And the Jellicle leader will soon appear And make what is known as the Jellicle Choice That's when Old Deuteronomy just before dawn Through a silence you feel could cut with a knife Announces the cat who can now be reborn And come back to a different Jellicle life. For waiting up there is the Heaviside layer Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see And Jellicles ask because Jellicles dare Who will it be? 4.The Old Gumbie Cat I have a Gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots. Her coat is of the tabby kind with tiger stripes and leopard spots All day she sits beneath the stairs or on the steps or on the mat She sits and sits and sits and sits and that's what makes a Gumbie cat That's what makes a Gumbie cat But... When the day's hustle and bustle is done Then the Gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun And when all the family's in bed and asleep She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice Their behavior's not good and their manners not nice So when she has got them lined up on the matting She teaches them music, crocheting and tatting I have a Gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots The curtain cord she likes to wind and tie it into sailor knots She sits upon the windowsill, or anything that's smooth and flat She sits and sits and sits and sits, and that's what makes a Gumbie cat That's what makes a Gumbie cat But... When the day's hustle and bustle is done Then the Gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun She thinks that the co*kroaches Need employment To prevent them from Idol and wanton destroyment So she's formed from that lot of disorderly louts A troop of well disciplined helpful Boy Scouts With a purpose in life and a good deed to do And she's even created a beetles tattoo! FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW! Thank you my dears 5.The Rum Tug Tugger The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat If you offer me pheasant I'd rather have grouse If you put me in a house I would much prefer a flat If you put me in a flat then I'd rather have a house If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat If you set me on a rat then I'd rather chase a mouse The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat And there isn't any need for me to shout it For he will do as he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore When you let me in, then I want to go out I'm always on the wrong side of every door And as soon as I'm at home, then I'd like to get about I like to lie in the bureau drawer And I make such a fuss if I can't get out The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat And there isn't any need for you to doubt it For he will do as he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast My disobliging ways are a matter of habit If you offer me fish then I always want a feast When there isn't any fish then I won't eat rabbit If you offer me cream then I sniff and sneer For I only like what I find for myself So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears If you put it away on the larder shelf The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing The Rum Tum Tugger Doesn't care for a cuddle But I'll leap upon your lap in the middle of your sewing For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat And there isn't any need for me to spout it For he will do as he do do And there's no doing anything about - it! 6.Grizabella the Glamour cat Remark the cat who hesitates towards you In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin She haunted many a low resort near the grimy road of Tottenham Court She flitted about the no man's land From "The Rising Sun" to "The Friend at Hand" And the postman sighed as he scratched his head "You'd really had thought she ought to be dead" And who would ever suppose that that was Grizabella the Glamour cat Grizabella the Glamour cat, Grizabella the Glamour cat Who would ever suppose that that was Grizabella the Glamour cat 7.Bustopher Jones Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones In fact, he's remarkably fat He doesn't haunt pubs, he has eight or nine clubs For he's the St. James's Street cat! He's the cat we all greet as he walks down the street In his coat is fastidious black No common - place mousers have such well cut trousers Or such an impeccable black In the whole of St. James the smartest of names is The name of this Brummell of cats And we're all of up proud to be nodded or bowed to By Bustopher Jones in white spats My visits are occasional to The Senior Educational And it is the against the rules For any one cat to belong both to that And The Joint Superior Schools When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry At The Siamese or at The Glutton When I look full of gloom then I've lunched at The Tomb On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton In the whole of St. Jame's the smartest of names is The name of this Brummel of cats And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to By Bustopher Jones in white, Bustopher Jones in white Bustopher Jones in white spats So much in this way pa**es Bustopher's day At one club or another he's found It can be no surprise that under our eyes He has grown unmistakably round He's a twenty - five pounder Or I am a bounder And he's putting on weight every day But I'm so well preserved because I've observed All my life a routine, and I'd say I am still in my prime, I shall last out my time That's the word from the stoutest of cats It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall While Bustopher Jones wears white, Bustopher Jones wears white Bustopher Jones wears white spats 8.Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer we're a notorious couple of cats As knockabout clowns, quick - change comedians Tight - rope walkers and acrobats We have an extensive reputation, we make our home in Victoria Grove This is merely our centre of operation for we are incurably given to rove If the area window was found ajar And the basement looked like a field of war If a tile or two came loose on the roof Which presently ceased to be waterproof If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests And you couldn't find one of your winter vests Or after supper one of the girls suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat! It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!" And most of the time they left it at that Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have an unusual gift of the gab They are highly efficient cat burglars as well and remarkably smart at a smash and grab We make their home in Victoria Grove, we have no regular occupation We are plausible fellows who liked to engage a friendly policeman in conversation When the family a**embled for Sunday dinner Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on Argentine joint, potatoes and greens Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow "I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow The joint has gone from the oven like that!" Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat! It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!" And most of the time they left it at that Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a wonderful way of working together And some of the time you would say it was luck and some of the time you would say it was weather We go through the house like a hurricane and no sober person could take his oath Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer? Or could you have sworn that it might have been both? When you heard a dining room smash or up from the pantry there came a loud crash Or down from the library came a loud ping From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming Then the family would say: "Now which was which cat? It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer and there's nothing at all to be done about that" 9.Old Deuteronomy I believe it is Old Deuteronomy CAST: Well of all things can it be really Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye! My mind may be wondering but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy MUNKUSTRAP: Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession He was famous in Proverb and famous in rhyme A long while before Queen Victoria's accession THE RUM TUM TUGGER: Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives And more I am tempted to say-ninety nine And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives And the villiage is pround of him in his decline MUNKUSTRAP: At the sight of that placid and grand phsiognomy When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall The oldest habitant croaks MUNKUSTRAP AND THE RUM TUM TUGGER: Well of all things can it be really Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye! My mind may be wondering but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy CAST (2X): Well of all things can it be really Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye! My mind may be wondering but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy CAST: Well of all things can it be really Yes, no, ho, hi, oh my eye! OLD DEUTERONOMY: My legs may be tottery I must go slow And be careful of Old Deuteronomy 10.Of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles Together with some account Of the participation Of the Pugs and the Poms, and the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat Munkustrap Jellicle Cats meet once a year On the night we make the Jellicle Choice And now that the Jellicle Leader is here, Jellicle Cats can all rejoice! Of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles Together with some account Of the participation Of the Pugs and the Poms, and the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows, Are proud and implacable, pa**ionate foes; It is always the same, wherever one goes And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say That they do not like fighting. Yet, once in a way, They now and again join into the fray And they: All Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Munkustrap Until you could hear them all over the park Now on the occasion of which I shall speak Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week (And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke). The big Police Dog was away from his beat - I don't know the reason, but most people think He slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink - And no one at all was about on the street When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet. They did not advance, or exactly retreat, But they glared at each other, and scraped their hind feet, And they: Peke Bark Pollicle Bark Peke Bark Pollicle Bark Bark Peke Bark Pollicle Bark Peke Bark Munkustrap Until you could hear them all over the park And they: Pekes Bark Pollicles Bark Pekes Bark Pollicles Bark Bark Pekes Bark Pollicles Bark Pekes Bark Munkustrap Until you could hear them all over the park Now the Peke, although most people may say what they please, Is no British Dog, but Heathen Chinese And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar, Some came to the window, some came to the door; There was surely a dozen, more likely a score. And together they started to grumble and wheeze In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese. But a terrible din is what Pollicles like, For your Pollicle Dog is a Doryorkshire tyke, Pollicles There were dogs out of every nation The Irish, the Welsh, and the Dane The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmation And even from China and Spain From the poodle, the balmy Alstation And the Ba**et who growls on the train Munkustrap And to those that are frisky and frollicle That my mean be perfectly plain Pollicles That my name is Little Tom Pollicle And you better not do it again! Munkustrap And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters, And ever dog-jack of them notable fighters; And so they stepped out with their pipers in order, Playing When the Blue Bonnets Came Over the Border Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof, But some from the balcony, some from the roof, Joined in To the din With a: All Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Munkustrap Until you could hear them all over the park All Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuffery, Huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuff! Munkustrap Until you could hear them all over the park. All (Barking) Munkustrap NO!! When these bold heroes together a**embled, The traffic all stopped, and the Underground trembled, And some of the neighbors were so much afraid That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade. When suddenly up from a small basement flat. Why who should stalk out but, All The Great Rumpus Cat! Munkustrap His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing, He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing; And when he looked out through the bars of the area, You never saw anything fiercer or hairier. What with the glare of his eyes and his yawning, The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning. He looked to the sky and he gave a great leap - And they every last one of them scattered like sheep. And when the Police Dog returned to his beat, There wasn't a single one left on the street. All All hail and all bow to the Great Rumpus Cat! Old Deuteronomy Jellicle Cats and Dogs all must Pollicle Dogs and Cats all must Like undertakers, come to dust! The action is intruded by yet another crash from the villainous Macavity, which sends the cats scurrying! Old Deuteronomy soothes them, as they come back one by one. It is time for "The Jellicle Ball," the great yearly dance in which all of the cats celebrate 11.The Jellicle Ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one come all The Jellicle Moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball Jellicle cats are black and white Jellicle cats are rather small Jellicle cats are merry and bright And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul Jellicle cats have cheerful faces Jellicle cats have bright black eyes We like to practice our airs and graces And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise Jellicle cats develop slowly Jellicle cats are not too big Jellicle cats are roly poly We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig Until the Jellicle Moon appears We make our toilet and take our repose Jellicles wash behind their ears Jellicles dry between their toes Jellicle cats are black and white Jellicle cats are of moderate size Jellicles jump like a jumping jack Jellicle cats have moonlit eyes We're quiet enough in the morning hours We're quiet enough in the afternoon Reserving our Terpsichorean powers To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon Jellicle cats are black and white Jellicle cats (as we said) are small If it happens to be a stormy night We will practice a caper or two in the hall If it happens the sun is shining bright You would say we have nothing to do at all We are resting and saving ourselves to be bright For the Jellicle Moon and Jellicle Ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one come all The Jellicle Moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball 12.Grizabella JELLYLORUM You see the border of her coat is torn And stained with sand. And you see the corner of her eye Twist like a crooked pin. (instrumental break) GRIZABELLA Midnight, not a sound from the pavement Has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone. In the lamplight, the withered leaves collect at my feet And the wind begins to moan. Every streetlamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning. Someone mutters, and the streetlamp gutters And soon it will be morning. Memory, all alone in the moonlight. I can smile at the old days. I was beautiful then. I remember the time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again. End of act 1 13.The Moments Of Happiness The Moments of Happiness We had the experience but missed the meaning And approach to the meaning restores the experience In a different form beyond any meaning we can a**ign to happiness The past experience of one life only But of many generations Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable Moonlight Turn your face to the moonlight Let your memory lead you Open up Enter in If you find there the meaning of what happiness is Then a new life will begin 14.Gus The Theater Cat Gus is the cat at the theater door His name, as I ought to have told you before Is really Asparagus, and that's such a fuss to pronounce That we usually call him just Gus His coat's very shabby. He's thin as a rake And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake Yet he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats But no longer a terror to mice or to rats For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time And whenever he joins his friends at their club (Which takes place at the back of the neighboring pub) He loves to regale them, if someone else pays With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days For he once was a star of the highest degree He has acted with Irving, he's acted with tree And he likes to relate his successes on the halls Where the gallery once gave him seven cat calls But his greatest creation as he love to tell Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell I have played in my time every possible part And I used to know seventy speeches by heart I'd extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag I knew to act with my back and my tail With and hour of rehersal, I never could fail I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts Whether I took the lead, or in character parts I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell When the curfew was run then I swung on the bell In the Pantomime Season I never fell flat And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat But my grandest creation, as history will tell Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat When some actor suggested the need for a cat And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained As we did in the days when Victoria reigned They never did get drilled in a regular troup And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop And he says as he scratches himself with his claws Well the theater is certainly not what it was These modern productions are all very well But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell That moment of mystery when I made history As Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell I once crossed the stage on a telegraph wire To rescue a child when a house was on fire And I think that I still can much better than most Produce blood curdling noises to bring on the ghost And I once played Growltiger Could do it again, could do it again Could do it again 15.Growltiger's Last Stand And The Ballad Of Billy McCaw CHORUS: Growltiger was a bravo cat who travelled on a barge In fact he was the roughest cat that ever roamed at large From Gravesend up to Oxford he pursued his evil aims Rejoicing in his title of GROWLTIGER: The "Terror of the Thames"! Ha ha ha ha! GRUMBUSKIN: His manners and appearance did not calculate to please His coat was torn and seedy, it was baggy at the knees One ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why And he scowled upon a hostile world from one forbidding eye CHORUS: The cottagers of Rotherhithe knew something of his fame At Hammersmith and Putney, people shuddered at his name They would fortify the hen house, lock up the silly goose When the rumor ran along the shore: GROWLTIGER: Growltiger's on the loose! Ha ha ha ha! SOLOS: Woe to the weak canary that fluttered from its cage Woe to the pampered Pekinese, that faced Growltiger's rage Woe the bristly bandicoot that lurks on foreign ships And woe to any cat with whom Growltiger came to grips But most to cats of foreign race his hatred had been vowed To cats of foreign name and race, no quarter was allowed The Persian and the Siamese regarded him with fear Because it was a Siamese had mauled his missing ear TUMBLEBRUTUS: Now on a peaceful summer night all nature seemed at play The tender moon was shining bright, the barge at Molesey lay CHORUS: All in the balmy moonlight it lay rocking on the tide And Growltiger was disposed to show his sentimental side GRUMBUSKIN: Growltiger's bucko mate, Grumbuskin, long since had disappeared For to the bell at Hampton he had gone to wet his beard TUMBLEBRUTUS: And his bosun, Tumblebrutus, he too had stol'n away In the yard behind the lion he was prowling for his prey GROWLTIGER: In the forepeak of the vessel, Growltiger sat alone GRIDDLEBONE: Concentrating his attention on the lady Griddlebone CREW: And his raffish crew were sleeping in their barrels and their bunks SIAMESE: As the Siamese came creeping in their sampans and their junks GROWLTIGER: Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught but Griddlebone GRIDDLEBONE: And the lady seemed enraptured by his manly baritone BOTH: Disposed to relaxation and awaiting no surprise SIAMESE: But the moonlight shone reflected from a thousand bright blue eyes And closer still and closer the sampans circled 'round And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound The foe was armed with toasting forks and cruel carving knives GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE: And the lovers sang their last duet in danger of their lives GROWLTIGER: Oh, how well I remember the Old Bull and Bush Where we used to go down of a Saturday night Where, when anything happened, it come with a rush For the boss, Mr. Clark, he was very polite A very nice house, from basement to garret A very nice house. Ah, but it was the parrot-- The parrot, the parrot named Billy McCaw That brought all those folks to the bar Ah! He was the life of the bar. Of a Saturday night, we was all feeling bright And Lily La Rose -- the barmaid that was -- She'd say, "Billy, Billy McCaw! Come give us, come give us a dance on the bar!" And Billy would dance on the bar And Billy would dance on the bar And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear And emotion would make us all order more beer Lily, she was a girl what had brains in her head She wouldn't have nothing, no not that much said If it come to an argument or a dispute She'd settle it offhand with the toe of her boot Or as likely as not put a fist through your eye Or when we was happy and just a bit dry Or when we was thirsty and just a bit sad, She would rap on the bar with that corkscrew she had And say, GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE: "Billy, Billy McCaw! GROWLTIGER: "Come give us a tune on your pastoral flute!" And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE: And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute GROWLTIGER: And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear And emotion would make us all order more beer GROWLTIGER AND GRIDDLEBONE: "Billy, Billy McCaw! Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!" And Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar And Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear And emotion would make us all order more beer CHORUS: Billy, Billy McCaw! Come give us a tune on your moley guitar GROWLTIGER: Ah! He was the life of the bar. GENGHIS: Then Genghis gave the signal to his fierce Mongolian hordes With a frightful burst of fireworks, the chinks they swarmed aboard Abandoning their sampans, their pullaways, and junks They battened down the hatches on the crew within their bunks Then Griddlebone she gave a screech for she was badly skeered I'm sorry to admit it, but she quickly disappeared GROWLTIGER: She probably escaped with ease I'm sure she was not drowned CHORUS: But a serried ring of flashing steel Growltiger did surround The ruthless foe pressed forward in stubborn rank on rank Growltiger to his vast surprise was forced to walk the plank He who a hundred victims had driven to that drop At the end of all his crimes was forced to go ker-flip, ker-flop! GROWLTIGER: Ahhhhh!!! CHORUS: Oh there was joy in Wapping when the news flew through the land At Maidenhead and Henley there was dancing on the Strand Rats were roasted whole in Brentford and Victoria Dock And a day of celebration was commanded in Bangkok! (DANCE -- SIAMESE) GUS: These modern productions are all very well But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell That moment of mystery when I made history 16.Skimbleshank's The Railway Cat Skimbleshanks the Railway cat, the cat of the railway train There's a whisper down the line at eleven thirty - nine When the night mail's ready to depart Saying, "Skimble, where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the thimble We must find him or the train can't start" All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters Would be searching high and low Saying "Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble Then the night mail just can't go." At eleven forty-two with the signal overdue And the pa**engers all frantic to a man That's when I would appear and I'd saunter to the rear I'd been busy in the luggage van! Then he gave one flash of his gla** - green eyes And the signal went "all clear" They'd be off at last to the northern part of the northern hemisphere! Skimbleshanks the Railway cat, the cat of the railway train You might say that by and large it was me who was in charge Of the Sleeping Car Express From the driver and guards to the bagmen playing cards I would supervise them all more or less Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces Of the travellers in the first and the third He established control by a regular patrol And he'd know at once if anything occured. He would you watch you without winking and he saw what you were thinking And it's certain that he didn't approve Of hilarity and riot so that folk were very quiet When Skimble was about and on the move You could play no pranks with Skimbleshanks He's a cat that couldn't be ignored So nothing went wrong on the Northern Mail When Skimbleshanks was aboard It was very pleasant when they'd found their little den With their name written up on the door And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet And not a speck of dust on the floor There was every sort of light, you could make it dark and bright And a bu*ton you could turn to make a breeze And a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your face in And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze Then the guard looked in politely and would ask you very brightly Do you like your morning tea weak or strong But I was just behind him and was ready to remind him For Skimble won't let anything go wrong When the crept into their cozy berth and pulled the counterpane They all could reflect that it was very nice To know that they wouldn't be bothered by mice They can leave all that to the railway cat The cat of the railway train Skimbleshanks the railway cat, the cat of the railway train In the watches of the night I was always fresh and bright Every now and then I'd have a cup of tea With perhaps a drop of scotch while I was keeping up the watch Only stopping here and there to catch a flea They were fast asleep at Crew and so they never knew That I was walking up and down the station They were sleeping all the while I was busy at Carlisle Where I met the stationmaster with elation They might see me at Dumfries if I summoned the police If there was anything they ought to know about When they got to Gallowgat there they did not have to wait For Skimbleshanks will help them to get out And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail Which says "I'll see you again" You'll meet without fail on the Midnight Mail The cat of the railway train You'll meet with outfail on the Midnight Mail The cat of the railway trail 17.Macavity: The Mystery Cat Macavity! Macavity's a Mystery cat: He's called the Hiddenpaw For he's the master criminal who can defy the law He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair For when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there! Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare And when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air... But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there! Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin You would know him if you saw him for his eyes are sunken in His brow is deeply lined in thought, his head is highly domed His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity You may meet him in a by - street, you may see him in the square But when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there! He's outwardly respectable, I know he cheats ..at cards.. And his footprints are not found in any files of ..Scotland.. Yard's And when the larder's looted ...or the j**el case is rifled Or when the milk is missing or another peke's been stifled Or the greenhouse gla** is broken and the trellis past repair There's the wonder of the thing Macavity's not there! Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare What ever time the deed took place Macavity's not there! And they say that all the cats whose wicked deeds are widely known I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone Are nothing more than agents for the cat who all the time Just controls the operations: the Napoleon of Crime! Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity You may meet him in a by - street, you may see him in the square But when a crime's discovered then Macavity, Macavity Macavity, Macavity When a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there (instrumental) We have to find old Deuteronomy 18. Mr. Mistoffelees You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffelees! The original Conjuring cat There can be no doubt about that. Please, listen to me, and don't scoff, all his Inventions are off his own bat. There's no such cat in the metropolis, He holds all the patent monoplies, For perfoming surprising illusions, And creating eccentric confusion. The greatest magicians have something to learn From Mister Mistoffelees Conjuring Turn And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees He is quiet, he is small he is black From his ears to the tip of his tail He can creep through the tiniest crack He can walk on the narrowest rail He can pick any card from a pack He is equally cunning with dice He is always decieving you into believing That he's only hunting for mice He can play any trick with a cork Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste If you look for a knife or a fork And you think it merely misplaced You have seen it one moment and then it is gone You'll find it next week lying out on the lawn! And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees PRESTO! Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees My manner is vague and aloof You would think there is nobody shyer But my voice has been heard on the roof When I was curled up by the fire And I've sometimes been heard by the fire When I was about on the roof At least they all heard that somebody purred Which is uncontestable proof Of my singular magical powers And I've known the family to call Me in from the garden for hours When I was asleep in the hall And not long ago this phenominal cat Produced seven kittens right out of a hat And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees And not long ago this phenominal cat Produced seven kittens right out of a hat And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! 19.Memory Midnight Not a sound from the pavement Has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone In the lamplight The withered leaves collect at my feet And the wind begins to moan Memory All alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days I was beautiful then I remember the time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again Every streetlamp Seems to beat a fatalistic warning Someone mutters And the streetlamp gutters And soon it will be morning Daylight I must wait for the sunrise I must think of a new life And I musn't give in When the dawn comes Tonight will be a memory too And a new day will begin Burnt out ends of smoky days The stale cold smell of morning The streetlamp dies, another night is over Another day is dawning Touch me It's so easy to leave me All alone with the memory Of my days in the sun If you touch me You'll understand what happiness is Look, a new day has begun 20.The Journey To The Heaviside Layer Up up up past the Russell Hotel Up up up to the Heaviside Layer Up up up past the Russell Hotel Up up up to the Heaviside Layer Up up up past the Russell Hotel Up up up to the Heaviside Layer Up up up past the Russell Hotel Up up up to the Heaviside Layer Up up up past the Jellicle Moon Up up up tp the Heaviside Layer Up up up past the Jellicle Moon Up up up past the Heaviside Layer The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity Round the cathedral rang "Vivat" Life to the Everlasting Cat 21.The Ad-Dressing Of Cats You've heard of several kinds of cat And my opinion now is that You should need to interpreter to understand our character You've learned enough to take the view That cats are very much like you You've seen us both at work and games And learnt about our proper names Our habits and our habitat But how would you ad - dress a cat So first, your memory I'll jog And say: A cat is not a dog So first, your memory I'll jog And say: A cat is not a dog With cats, some say, one rule is true Don't speak 'till spoken to Myself I do not hold with that I say, you should ad - dress a cat But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity You bow, and taking off your hat, ad - dress him in this form "O Cat"! Before a cat will condescend To treat you as a trusted friend Some little token of esteem is needed, like a dish of cream And you might now and then supply Some caviar or Stra**burg pie Some potted grouse or salmon paste He's sure to have his personal taste And so in time you reach your aim And call him by his name A cat's entitled to expect These evidences of respect So this is this and that is that And there's how you ad - dress a cat A cat's entitled to expect these evidences of respect So this is this, and that is that And there's how you ad - dress a cat End of musical