Carter Deems - Chedda Cheese vs. Carter Deems lyrics

[Round 1: Chedda Cheese] I know you all wanted Carter versus Head I.C.E Trust me, I see the appeal Street guy against a guy from a completely different field You wanted gangster versus nerd, well tell me how you feel You got gangster versus gangster it's about to get real When I took this battle, they told me to keep it light Just jokes, don't k** the hype Then I guess I'm the villain right, brought a knife to a pillow fight You wanted I.C.E. that's nice I'm I.C.E. of all different types Ice Cube, Ice-T...okay mostly Vanilla Ice Get away Carter Deems you are a strangle little fellow You probably pronounce milk like "malk" and pillow like "pellow" But he's not the type of person that at first you would a**ume I'm more afraid of Carter Deems than any person in this room Cause he's just way too nice Like creepy, freak type of nice Like smiling while he murders you in your sleep type of nice Well nah, he's not a mad man, he's a cat man He'll end up with the Catwoman like Batman His screensaver is a cat doing jazz hands And he gets way to hyped up over cat scans He likes munching on his chap stick Cuddling with fat chicks Huffing on some catnip and s**ling on cat nips But after all that mean stuff I just said I think you do deserve a hug {​​​​​​​​​​Goes in for a hug}​​​​​​​​​​ Not from me Carter Deems I meant from somebody you love! You look and you smell like you've been rolling in the mud And to be honest, I wouldn't touch you with a pair of rubber gloves I'm sorry [Round 1: Carter Deems] You don't think Carter a straight G? Well I'll fart on your lady Eat her poutine then barf up her gravy 'til her carpet and drapery... {​​​​​​​​​​pauses}​​​​​​​​​​ That was a fake choke...No I'm just kidding that was a real choke You don't think Carter a straight G? Well I'll fart on your lady Eat her poutine then barf up the gravy on your carpet and drapery See that's how the old Carter would say schemes But my life has been harder here lately So I can't promise that my bars will be crazy But I had five seizures last year So it's okay if I start a little shaky His rhythm is weak plus you look a little beat You got the heart of a baby I'm sick dog, pardon the rabies Yesterday I ate part of a pastry From an artisan bakery, it was large and amazing It wasn't hard it was flaky and every part of it's tasty You can catch me parking an H3 Cause I work as a valet parking cars cause they pay me Even when it's dark and it's rainy You can catch me in-between those white lines like I'm sniffing hard in the 80's Atlanta pro so I'm armed with the Bravery He'll lie buried/library I should charge you a late fee Yeah my squad's small 'til we ball out, well I started on JV This match up more brutal than football between Army and Navy My cannon's so big it's like I'm arming the Navy A mad dude with a credit card, I charge when I'm angry Talk like a gentleman but test the kid again, you'll hear sir cuss/circus like Barnum & Bailey Overdose on potent schemes flowing through my brain like dopamine I'm dope I mean, catch me in a V12 rolling clean Don't believe me? You can search engine like you opened Bing Make that Cobra sing like yodeling Hit you with a Force that'll make Yoda lean Hand me a Razor and I'll flip out...like when my Motorola ring Catch me rolling on a roller rink As a kid I gained some weight, too many cookies too much Ovaltine In high school I was a bit rounder...I was an oval teen Catch me at a Hot Topic opening on the local scene Girls crushing my hopes and dreams Now battle rap is like prom all over again...cause nobody wanna go with Deems Still, people are mad that I had this offer Well I'll even battle the battle bloggers And prove I run these streets like an avid jogger Then use my hands like I'm bad at soccer Grab the choppers, start blasting monsters Like Rick Grimes when he attacks a walker This dude will hit a grandpa in the face then attack his walker You're not as nerdy as me, you're not half as awkward I wear weirdness on my sleeves like a badge of honor Still I'll leave a bump on his face so big you should see your acne doctor Cause when I hit you in the face with these cat ma**agers I'll leave this slacker folded up like a pair of my khaki Dockers [Round 2: Chedda Cheese] You look like, you would smell like, Doritos and mildew At first I thought you may have had a disability...and I still do Sit back and watch me work Carter , I'm 'bout to work Carter Work harder cause I'm everything you never were Carter And if you take it to the ping pong court, you're wrecked at the rec center Press records, I'm a one man band like Trent Reznor Better your best effort, yes with less effort, less pressure Head severed for trying to check Chedda The best seller, best ever It doesn't get better, my pen's better A trendsetter against a bed wetter, I mean.... Look, when I call you a bed wetter that's a factual statement I've seen the pee stained mattress you have in the basement You wear a pair of Pull Ups when you pull up at your grandma's house Sheets covered in plastic like your grandma's couch Man you getting bodied by nothing but pee jokes You probably eat pea soup while wearing a pea coat Got URL fans saying "Where the gun bars at?" Me and Carter got it covered bringing gun bars back The streets talk, gotta keep watch Eaves drop from the tree tops Three shots, bring your Reeboks cause I keep Glocks in my knee socks Cheap talk in the T Dot gets you outlined in police chalk Bbb bbb chickaa bbb bbbb Like a white guy trying to beat box Catch you on a Friday see me sitting sideways Till I pullout out of nowhere like a hidden driveway Bow [Round 2: Carter Deems] When I start bucking that I put him in a box with no bubble wrap After I show you these long Tec's/texts like Rev Run in a bubble bath Okay, that's not true at all but here are some other facts You paid for this battle and you can't rebu*tal back Cause I know exactly how much it cost you...and I paid double that! I didn't even want to do this But I was bored this weekend, thought I might as well I don't care about this battle at all I just wanted to spend $500 on a flight and hotel You watch The Bachelor, but last week he was busy Didn't have any time and missed it You thought I'd be a nice guy, forget it Cause I'm about to give you so many spoilers you'd think I'd drive a Civic Like for instance: Ben took Jen on a date but still saw Liz on his nightly visit Bought a bottle of wine and sipped it Which later caused Liz to get into a fight with Bridget Just to be quite specific And you can stand there and act like you don't care, but that just ruined your night admit it I'm terrific I can bring hard bars and prove that I can spit it But my style has shifted and I really get too silly I admit it But even this guy can get it Cause when I spit that silly heat he'll see that the sky's the limit Cause that's when I'm in my bag...like I'm sneaking on a plane without buying a ticket Temple tap, I invented that I got a tortoise ring on my pinkie toe, believe me bro I stay fresh to d**h 'til I'm six feet below I fought the Double Dragons, went 3-0 That's on a need to know Yeah, you can rap but do you need to? No Every time you see me go I spazz out You can't shake Deemsy's flow Even though I started having little seizures/Little Caesars and I'm not talking pizza dough Strobe light...that's what I don't like It makes my spine ache, my eyes start to dilate A migraine, mind race to the middle of my mind state I get wobbly like I'm walking on ice skates Everything starts to go sideways Ahh, I think I might be having one right now, I can feel my thighs shake Oh never mind I just had my phone on vibrate I'm great I'll sneak in without tripping the wire While this dude gets caught like lint in the drier I'm someone you should really admire So don't get it twisted like you gripping the pliers I know we don't carry the heat but I've raised-- I know we don't carry the tool but I raise that heat when I'm spitting the fire So this dude will see defeat/Duff eat like he's having dinner with Lizzie McGuire I don't care about this match up so I raise the heat like I'm holding a match up This doesn't stack up, so confident I'll put a stack up So we know you try to act tough, say you hit as hard as a Mack truck Well I know you don't have a fast punch So I won't fall for your hands, that's a bad bluff I hit him with a fart so hard he'll back up You need to call back up I hit him with a fart so hard it'll make him back up You should call for back up Help--last week I helped my cousin move his couch That's how I messed my back up So I can barely hold my back up I hit him with a mean mug that's a bad cup And I admit it Bishop, I'm the one who keeps putting your mirror back up [Round 3: Chedda Cheese] That was really weird This is my impression of you "When arms get raised, that's where my B.O. sits I've got five friends with B.O. who all think that B.O.'s sick We nicknamed ourselves the 'B.O. Six' and came to B.O. 6ix How many of us came to T.O. with B.O.? Six." Man I feel like I'm watching Pee Wee's Big Adventure in bad 3D If he was raised by Stewart from Mad TV Mixed with a bit of Brick and a little bit Mr. Bean You're not original at all because phony to hit the scene Cause you stole your whole persona and style from Krispy Kreme (Some people know who that is, but you know...) And you literally had an epileptic fit you were so afraid of I.C.E Had you shaking on the sidewalk like a game of dice You wanted epilepsy jokes, Another One like DJ Khaled He's an epileptic vegan, favorite food is Caesar/seizure salad So quit with the talking, you look like Christopher Robin Stuck in mid transformation into Christopher Walken And Chris Robin can get walking Just stop it and quit blogging In his town he's a big problem Big date? He'll be pill popping Slick talking and lip locking, just nod when the chick's watching The Bill Cosby of Milwaukee, the Rick Ross of Wisconsin See they hype you up now cause they're following a trend But look at Vince with the Raptors and what they thought about it then You see they put you on a map but you'll fall of in the end And we can all watch Carter let Toronto down again! [Round 3: Carter Deems] I'm finished with a gimmick Sorry if you want me to rap about cats Matter of fact, cats are cool but that was a fad that I put on as a mask Before each battle and match I mean, I give my pets a pat on the back My cat was just a substitute I used cause I'm not blasting the gat It was a pa**ive attack Cause I don't shoot tec's or use meth or do s** So I don't rap about that But don't worry cause I'm battling back So you can get him a soda and pa** me a snack Cause I already ate through Cheese just to prove that I mastered the craft/Kraft I'm not grabbing the mac's On the weekend I'm watching Breaking Bad and relax Until I'm having a nap, these are actual facts And on the weekdays I'm in my office reading an actual fax Still, nobody's flowing with me I'll break into the championship bout, take 'em both out 'til I'm holding the keys Beat those phony MC's and let 'Ganik put the chain over my tee like rosary beads I'll beat Grandma's Favorite Grandson with ease Then eat a plate of macaroni and cheese So by the end of the night I've beaten Illmac', uh Roney and Cheese But in real life this guy is scary He'll make that big thing sing like Mariah Carey Then he'll put me in a House Of Payne like Tyler Perry After this my life is buried and not even playing fire prepared me Cause when he starts cooking he'll put those flames on my shirt like Guy Fieri When he steps out the gats are ready He'll light me up even though the mac is heavy So gangster I'll prolly pop my collar cause I'm acting preppy All about the cash and fetti, fast and furious 'til I crash the Chevy He'll grab the blam and go H.A.M. while I'm at the deli just cause I asked for veggies When this dude's gripping the biscuit, he's not asking you to pa** the jelly Cause every time he eats he takes it to the Max like Zack and Kelly Born to be a sharpshooter, it's in his DNA to blast machetes And a gun fight is Thug Life, he'll rat-a-tat my belly like Makaveli But I'm not on a crusade against those who rap about guns It's just there's a million other things to rap about that I've actually done I rap about microwaves cause when I use the stove I burned the back of my thumb I spit about mini-vans cause that's what my parents been driving since back in '91 We had a dent on the bumper, had an accident son Stain on the seat, I had an accident son And this is real life so I don't care if you're asking "Who won?" After it's done cause my life is an average one I just like to get people laughing with puns I don't do this to make fun of battling I do this cause battling is fun So with that being said... I pull up to a Hobby Lobby in a drop top Maserati Same color as a pot of coffee If that pot of coffee was the same color as hot wasabi I'll take my shirt off I'll flash for the cash like the paparazzi Live life like a kamikaze Carter's so savage, you better keep a chain on this animal like a Tamagotchi That's time you got me?