Carter Deems - Carter Deems vs Bonnie Godiva lyrics

[Round 1: Carter Deems] {Carter hands Bonnie a bouquet of flowers} I'm pretty sure this was fate Or a really big mistake Or an episode of Elimidate First we hold hands then we play footsie, that a limb a date We're in The Pit today but you'll still see more problems on stage than Ricki Lake Still on Christmas Day I'll buy you something really great And wrap it in a really pretty way cause I tie a bow (tae bo) like Billy Blanks All my memes; really dank Now it's time to get this straight...is this a date? Are we gonna kiss today? Cause let me warn you, my breath isn't great and my lips will shake like the hips on Justin Timberlake I know we live in different states But I'll fly you out, don't worry about the ticket rates I'll put you in First Cla** like when Professor X had mental break And Mystique had just started shifting shapes I wanna cook for you I'm a vegan but I still make really great shrimp and steak And I'll even wash two of my dinner plates I only own two dinner plates I don't drink wine but I can squoosh some grapes And then for desert, we can get some cake or some mini crepes Use my mom's Netflix and watch season eight of Will & Grace This will all happen between the hours of six and eight Before it gets really late Then we'll hop on the interstate and I'll give you a ride to the airport and carry your bags to the gate Unless you don't want to end the date Then we can hang on to the magic like a magician's cape If you think it's been great we can tempt fate And you can spend the night, I have an air mattress I can inflate Trust me, I know how to lay on a floor I've done a lot of Pilates til my body's sore I don't care if you pierce my heart as long as we form a better Bond like Roger Moore Tia & Tamera are cool but I like Roger more Cause I know what it's like for a girl who your heart adores to lock the door Still I'm too sharp to be chained down like when the God Of War tosses swords I know you thought your stock would soar If you came here, squashed the competition and rocked my goard But I'm not sure why you're still alone when you rush your punches like Rocky 4 I'm not here to gossip more, I don't care why you broke up with Math Hoffa for You both got my support, but if you wanna date me then I'm all aboard Don't care if it adds up I'll be the new Math like Common Core And if we ever got divorced I'd stay calm in court [Round 1: Bonnie Godiva] So last battle, Charron wasn't as hard as I thought Now y'all brought a cat here vers' a bully Well it's hard to Trump my last move, but this is a date and I am not afraid to grab you by the p**y See I'm back today and this is like a [?] case versus a basket case Back away I'm swinging you'll pay the price like a batting cage I'm strapped today I'll leave you shaking forever that's Ca**ius Clay And this box is not from Kays so when you see it ring out, do not engage I know I told you I wouldn't be mean but f** it I'm taking you out And after I beat yo' a** tonight, you're taking me out You already brought the flowers but I want dinner and candles too or b**h I'ma handle you Your Head will need more than Ice if my Wolves rip flesh off animals I dare he move They done picked the right b**h to embarra** you He think he fly til he get lift out his pair of shoes then slip out his parachute See, while you rap like Ferris Bueller done missed every day at school I got n***as with cannons who will take a clean head shot like the camera crew f** the over joking, no over joking let's go blow for blow I'ma rope-a-dope him Two .44's and D's will shake up his grill like he motor boating See you do comedy but crime in me richer (Richard) that's different priors/Pryor Only truth in your raps, it wasn't a lie when you said that you didn't write it But he afraid of (Fredo) the truth, it look like you and Caustic got sh** in common Cause I just came to the west to expose this b**h after it rang on Danny, you Vicki Myers Ain't no getting by us Come off the ropes and get hit with a headline They said this was a Suicide mission, I hardly ride but this Smith is a Deadshot Y'all 'bout to watch him go out on a limb with what's overhead pop Run up with the arm raised but the click made it look like a leg drop Y'all think Jake will Snake me? He got a nice right but he not deadly You're not ready, my resume is O'fficial, that's top heavy See, why you local and spit basic I been all over the world when I switch stages Cause I done battled for Lush One, ARP, Organik, hell I even ate off of Ms. Gracie That mean I'm suited for any league I'm 'bout to go to AHAT and jack it like Dick Tracy But this b**h play me? I mean you rap straight but your mic swing gayly You might've made Chedda/Cheddar Bob but your life ain't Shady I feel like I'm battling the white Wayne Brady So after this round I'm just gonna let today show how I can get Car' son'd daily (Carson Daly) [Round 2: Carter Deems] True story I haven't always been the hottest hunk My first night at college stunk My roommate met a girl he brought her up They started doing a lot of awkward stuff Popping bottles, bottoms up She just poured it, didn't even ask to borrow my cups They pa**ed me a beer they offered up, but even the smell of beer makes me want to vomit stuff Plus I'm a chump who'd gotten stuck Listening to a Jeff Foxworthy CD while they did weird things on the bottom bunk So don't act like my life is not as tough I know I don't always spit the hottest stuff Against I.C.E. I wasn't hot enough I was the clumsy kid at prom Every time I dropped a punch the old guy came back to mop me up He put me in a body bag, put the bag in the back and locked the trunk Drove to a pond I got my body dumped And everyone saw my rounds fall flat on I.C.E. like a hockey puck I like to rap about farts and stuff Earlier I took a smaller dump like Tonka Trunk That was a lot of yuck but wasn't near as gross as when you pulled a Donald Trump Please try not to touch But she been talking foul/fowl that's Donald Duck Bonnie tried to find joy by buying lots of stuff Balling out with the racks like the Milwaukee Bucks Still that's not enough So if she placed her faith on the dollar like In God We Trust So while you were fighting wars in designers stores buying Michael Kors I was out here saving the world wearing Tomm's shoes and watching movies by Michael Moore I love Scottie Pippen but you probably like Michael more Cause you trying to score all the rings and the ice galore She'll turn on her squad for the Diamond like Michael did in '94 [Round 2: Bonnie Godiva] I really like you as a 40 Year Old Virgin but this round I'ma put you to bed Carter I only got one question for you...have you ever seen a p**y that likes to get wet Carter? Don't be nervous, I'm schooling you off top head starters See punching with me is smart but that's harder Cause being Rocky just doesn't suit you, it's easy to Get Carter Y'all really think he can rap? A ghetto nerd in the streets with a gat? Well he must've got Steve Jobs if you see him with Macs Must be part of the Geek Squad he in the V with the Tecs/techs I mean let's keep it a stack Y'all call him Dexter like he season to snap But you look more like poindexter and I'm just trying to see if he licks (Felix) the Cat I mean, what are you doing later Carter? What are you doing later cause I-I I heard the way you eat p**y and it's getting me open see Like right now I'm supposed to be lyrically beating you openly But I heard you got a seizure tongue and now I'm conflicted emotionally I mean I even wrote a prom punch for you {Bonnie takes out a piece of paper} After these punchlines, Deems would you go with me? I mean I'm not asking I'm thinking later I'll meet you in hosiery At [?] where the creams and the lotions be And like a bad kid in public before you check out I'll have you eating the groceries What are you doing later Carter? Please don't make me ask you again I mean you could even lie and tell your girlfriend that we're actually friends Cause as far as a one night stand, you be a perfect score You think we don't meet/meat up cause he eat it and leave it I never seen her before (herbivore) WHAT THE fu*k ARE YOU DOING LATER?! Now you just making me angrier now Now we ain't even going out, I'ma make you stay in the house And if I catch you in the studio playing around I'll beat the p**y up while you're laying it down Ike Turner and I may (Anna Mae) put the cake in his mouth You 'bout to eat a lot of a** tonight So you gonna spend a lot time on your knees I mean I see you looking at my chest like you like what you see You wanna feel around? Try me and squeeze Since you look like the type to/two I suffocate you with my titties So the reason that you die will be these/D's (diabetes) Just be lucky that I'm not here tonight to dick check you Cause you probably have a seizure and have to get checked too I've been nice with the pads so whoever said other wise tell that b**h get proof Cause QP's so such a f*ggot he'll probably tell you he wrote the dick check too [Round 3: Carter Deems] I really appreciate you not doing that and treating me like the new Charron You asked me what I'm doing later I'll be at Applebees, sitting in a booth alone In your last battle you grabbed Charron's pen- In your last battle you grabbed Charron's pen- In your last battle you grabbed Charron's...reproductive organ That's nothing new girl so it's quite unimportant But I am touched to know that your love's supportive He said demeaning things I'm not saying those words should go unsupported And I'm not saying you should just ignore it But what you did to Charron was pretty much a Trump endorsement But I'm not here to overload you with hatred Being mean is so overrated That was in the past and you're done with Math so me plus you is the only equation It's like I'm going on a vacation with an unknown destination Cause when it comes to love I got no reservation That our love bloom hit your nose with a fragrance I wanna be your boo, kay? (bouquet) so I organized this whole arrangement And I know it's so amazing and I wanna be more than buds so I rose to the occasion {Carter pulls out a corsage} Is it okay if I pin this to your shirt? See you're suppose to ask someone before you touch them for permission first I'm not sure how this should work [Bonnie] I feel like you're gonna stick me with that [Carter] Yeah let me know if I hit you win the pin/pen and it really hurts Maybe you should just put this in your purse I apologize, I've been a jerk But I'm just an introvert acting out like William Hurt I don't want you kicking dirt cause your feelings hurt We can still get matching scooters, his and hers But when it comes to this battle by the time I spit my verse in the first I've already took off with a body like a missing hearse I'm after the grind like a percolater when it comes to earning paper I make it first then I burn it later Can't stop Carter's shine when the star's align like Ursa Major You can hit me with a head shot with a red dot like The Terminator Cover my shirt in the lasers I don't care if you're gripping the nine I'll still spit a pick up line cause I love flirting with danger Look, I know I usually rap about cats and farts and my jokes come up short like Kevin Hart But this is just a romantic movie without the nakked parts So forget the bars cause now my guard is down like when prisoner rake the yard as the rebellion starts So if you think we should be kept apart You might as well get the hollow tip and let the metal spark Cause not even a bullet proof vest could protect my heart [JeFFery] You should f**! [Round 3: Bonnie Godiva] That last bar you spit about Charron was like your mouth on my a** I didn't get it until later But me grabbing Charron really wasn't s**ual hara**ment I mean he hasn't been touched in a while so that was pretty much a favor But how did you like my last round? Did me talking about me about to strip get you open? Well I got four words for you...b**h I was joking! If you think we'd f**, I'ma need some of the sh** you were smoking Cause you rolled in like Troy thinking a stallion was your victory trophy But how are you gonna win the war if you can't even fit in a Trojan? Okay, I know you got jungle fever, well let's see where my b**hes get 'round to you Cause the nina is kinda [?] after she hit you she love to talk down to you But the ratchet is snapping, I know you don't even like how that sound do you? No wonder you only f** with them Asians cause only them b**hes will bow to you Y'all should see his impersonations though like, y'all thought he only had one talent But when he in person naked, he look down act like he Dumbfoundead Quit the disguise there's no reason to even get in some thighs Your text light as your s** life, he under achieves with every woman he finds Then after s** he tries to freestyle excuses when he sees disappointed looks in their eyes Like, "You know what? You might've got me in round one, but I came hard and I didn't even try." Only reason I wanted to battle you is cause I wanted to look in your eyes And tell you every time you masturbate a kitten dies Don't lie How many did you k** today Carter? 55? 69? He's a f**ing sick ba*tard, how he gotta watch kiddy/kitty p**n to get it hard I mean, I know I'm an a**hole yeah but that is not what I thought of when I heard you were k**ing cats all year You a f**ing hood doormat Acting like you cook raw crack When it come to giving your Pet's Cemeteries, you really wrote the book on that He's a King Steven King But I ain't come to spar Why should I come to spar when y'all put an underdog vers' a cat that ain't fit for the under card He don't even charge, it just take protocol like he love the law but speaking of law You know what rhymes with "Carter Deems?" (What?) "Your failed Harvard dreams." I mean, now I'm mad I even picked you this card because You dropping out of college just symbolizes what a gimmick you are You thought a law degree would be getting you far But you haven't written thus far So how is it 10 years later and you're still shaking trying to finish the bar? So it's cool I mean, you ain't gotta mention no more sh** about Math cause Later on you gon' be the next rapper that's eating my a**