Bumblefoot - I Can't Play The Blues lyrics

I play as fast as I can - I'm the Gingerbread Man With a fast hand - won't ya kick me outta your band I only play for me - I'm the king of Unity I'm a team of one - a defective hired gun I play like a ham, well that makes me Spam And then I wonder why nobody ever wants to jam 'Cause ya feel like a pawn in a volume war And I'm the only one who bothers keeping score Because I got no feel - I got no emotion My riffs aren't real - I just go through the motions I'm fulla tricks and trinkets that I always use I ain't got much choice - I can't play the blues And just in case I'm in a finger race I keep it up and I keep pretending that I win the chase But if ya play faster than the speed of light (according to Einstein) Ya go back in time - and end up in the 80's With our big hair Jackets with fringes Stretch pants Mascara Choreographed kicking You got a big laugh outta 70's disco But you became the same by a different name Ya forgot to change your calendar 10 years in a row Now ya can't find the pace of the new game I play it like a ham, yeah with lots of spice I'm the Son Of Spam in a block of ice Yeah, I can't lay back - I get all confused And if I slow it down you'll see the riffs I already used Because I got no feel - I got no emotion My riffs aren't real - I just go through the motions I'm fulla tricks and trinkets that I always use I ain't got much choice - I can't play the blues Yeah I actually believe that if I wail up and down a scale Then the world is gonna get up on their feet and yell... "Hail Ronald! Hail Ronald! Take your big head and go to Hail, Ronald!" Yeah, I can't lay back - I get all confused And if I slow it down you'll see the riffs I already used I play like a ham, well that makes me Spam And then I wonder why nobody ever wants to jam Because I got no feel - I got no emotion My riffs aren't real - I just go through the motions I'm fulla tricks and trinkets that I always use I ain't got much choice - I can't play the blues