Bruce McCulloch - Our Love lyrics

"The only reason I ever licked you, baby, was the salt." "Stop it." "Take your lumbar roll and get out! Futon woman." Our love is like standing on an ice floe outside your house, watching you mount another man. Our love is like Jiffy Pop: it takes a long time to rise and, when it does, it doesn't quite seem like the real thing. Our love is like our best friend's love, only better. It's clear to me now, our love is like Santa Claus: the only ones who'll believe in it are small children who don't understand how the world really works. Our love is like work gloves, owned by someone who never works. Our love is like having s** with a dwarf when you're drunk: oh, it's great at the time, but when you think about it the next day at work, you feel shame and guilt and an array of sadness. Our love is like the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull: I tried reading it when I was 14, just couldn't get through it. Our love is like a Bruce Springsteen concert: it's not that great, it's really long, but, wow, what energy! Our love is like "The Brady Bunch"... No, "The Partridge Family"... No, "The Brady Bunch"... No, "The Partridge Family"... No, "The Brady Bunch"... No, like "WKRP In Cincinnati". Oh, I know what show our love is like: "Cops", that racist, welfare-hating crack-hunt. Our love, and I mean this in a nice way, is like taking La**ie to the desert, removing her teeth with a hunting knife, and shooting her in the head with a gun that you and she built together. Our love is like licking the a** of a dead squirrel that's laying bloated in the sun. But, also, there's a negative side? Our love is like my parents' love, the only difference is I won't wait 'til you to die to leave you. Don't get me wrong, I like our love. It's just not very... funny?