Braidz MC - Dear Suicide lyrics

[Verse: Braidz] The other night I couldn't sleep, I was rested in my bed Saw some sh** that made me think of everything I am It's been a long hard road - gotta get this off my chest 'Cause when I look in the mirror starting to see reflections of my dad I never would have fathomed that I'd grow to be this I used to be against this life - the 'Dro and Speed hits Guess it all started at 7, when I broke to pieces Got booted to Dad's joint, seen smoking, needles... Mum was 'gonna drown me that night in a dam I remember pulling over she was crying and mad That's a confession I never thought I'd write in my raps Then I had to go and live my life with my dad I was in a house with no rules, man it was so cool! First time I smoked weed - stole it out of his dope room I was 15 hitting speed with my folk too Acted Lower Cla**, then eventually - No School My apologies to all the kids who failed it too I'd sit and make a fool 'cause sh** it made me cool But nobody would learn 'cause they were busy with me All they ever learnt is what a f**ing dickhead I'd be Looking back now those were horrible moves, sh** As a youngin' doctors said I'd be an Honor Roll Student I let that A.D.H.D better me, I faded out at seventeen And aimed for rep on every street with a mate who deck's amphetamine's Then paper found the pen it seems - I strayed from the Graff Always known to Beatbox, that changed into Rap Posted up on Forums while Developing Threads That's where I met a dude named Hop' who wasn't relevant then I started battling and made my way into the Aussie Scene Realized I sounded sh** unrehearsed and not on a beat The first dude I flopped against's the first dude who f**ed with me Shout's to Gen RhYme ain't gotta Ask we though we were sick like Allergy's Really in the sh** like Felonies, I though I got my Bars Locked Started to craft songs that went f**ing hard - Not Dropped New Years in '08 and they hated my tracks I used to be "the sh**", now I take that sh** back But it got me off the streets like a sewer flooding I never really held a job it felt like I was finally doing something I'd get hate from heaps of dudes above me Shaken, like that juice ain't bubbly Put myself in a Coupe, like I had a f**ing Clue or something Acted like a living legend now I cannot mix with any- -Body in the scene I made a rookie move and hit a dead end Now a bunch of people want to kick my head in... sh** was 6 f**ing years ago, Kid's forget it... But I had the nerve to sh** talk brethren Cold burns - Like winters heavy All that talking big got me in lots of sh**, Pathetic I'm forced to pave my own path from that intersection Now I've come to the realization Hip-Hop has turned me Schizophrenic I used to blame this disease formed in my head on the dope buds Guess I kept my friends close, and my enemy closer I don't even know why I'm letting you know but I had to get this all out or else my ending was over A few months back I wasn't handling this sh** Ran away from home, cops found me standing on a bridge I was totally deluded, they dragged me off of it Perfect, they wanna lock me up again got C.A.T Teams on the kid And I just lied my way out of it - like I usually do The sh** the doctors said? The only truth in the room! I've always tried to hurt myself there's bruises to prove But I never thought the worst would come from music I do I had the biggest of balls - for the neutered-est dude And it made the scene hate me, I'm a loser to you's! Made all the stupidest moves, ended up losing my crew Now my friend count ends out fewer than few Best mates all started beef I'm left to pick up the pieces I'm ready to say f** it, throw this Jigsaw and leave it So there's not much in life that I'm living to be with Whenever I'm feeling down I just think of my Nieces I guess that I'm just feeling tired of this sh** Whenever I go out I think people eyeing off the kid At least every day you live it's like you die a little bit I don't even know why my fans admire me, I'm sick... So don't cry a little bit if you hear I've splattered my brain I'll be doped up when I go because I'm out of the pain...