Bob Rivers - Buttcracker Suite lyrics

"Thong March" Thong! What a delightful gift idea Thong! Magical shorts that disappear Buy your loved one this Noël The kind of gift he can't resell Because it kind of smells If someone else has tried it on Thong! You could be dancing cheek to cheek Thong! Wiggle the string: play hide and seek Buy your workmate or your boss The proctologic dental floss That really works a hair across His astronomic bum Thong! "Dance of the Plumber Fairy" See the repair man go Tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink Working on the sink (Bending way down low) See the big tool belt go Slippy-slip, slippy-slip, slippy-slip Sliding down his hip (Say it isn't so) See the rear cleavage go Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo Cheekies sneaking through (See ya at so 'n so) See the plumber (Doesn't even show) What a bummer (Got a dial tone) Called a number (On the telephone) Hire someone else "Wedgie Dance" (Lunge!) Spin around and stretch and lunge And (leap!) Do a kick and shake your buns And fix those wedgies everyone (Let's go!) (Twirl!) Double dip and somersault Then (split!) Shuffle back and twist and fall And fix those wedgies Fix those wedgies Let's go people Fix those wedgies Cracks are flyin' Just keep pryin' And pull (Pull apart!) And pull (Pull apart!) And pull (Pull apart those leotards!) "Waltz of the bu*tcrackers" Please just say no to crack When you spot bu*t crack, attack You can see a trucker change a tire Or a cable worker fix a wire Let him know his bottom line is looking out Somehow you don't admire it So, everybody, please just say no to crack Give all those crack backs a sack If you see a plumber show a breach Or a tubby hubby on a beach Sneak right up behind his back and strike a match and drop the burning sulfur right between his cheeks Because as sure as tax and d**h surround us Cracks are all around us Slacks fall to the ground as Miles and miles of smiles going up and down Everybody (Don't) Be a bum (Show) You're a crumb (Crack) Get a grip Fix your drawers (Take) Every thong (Them) Right along (Back) Take 'em back To the stores Show some cla** and hide that ma**ive astronomic bu*t crack (Don't) Gimme no flak (Show) Cover the crack (bu*t) Gimme the thong (Crack) Hurry along bu*tcrackers just aren't sweet