Bo Burnham - Rant lyrics

I went to a Catholic school for four years, and I also owned a GarageBand, uh, for 20 minutes, and this is the product of that. Hit it All the seats at the Sunday ma**es Filled with the ma**es' ma**ive a**es Cla**es pa** as fast as mola**es Ceremonial reading gla**es Read a little bit of Leviticus All the kids are a little too little for this All the parents nod in agreement "I think I can vaguely see what He meant." It's too early in the morning, glory To read another allegory story The father reads a little bit farther Assuring the a**ured that they need not bother "When God, in verse 45 Said that slaves are okay to buy He meant that people all from the start Each have 'slaves' within their hearts: Things that we have sold or bought That are forced to pick our moral cotton God calls us to set these free Free our hearts from slavery And then as God goes on to explain The logistics of buying and selling slaves Uh...he...the bible's sorta like...uhhh...there's like...typos" In the back, I sit and I nod To the beats that are bumping from my iPod My God, they're starting to pray And over the music I can hear them say "Dear God, dear Lord, dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword Dear good, all-seeing being 'My way or the highway' Yahweh The blue-balled anti-masturbator The great all-loving f*ggot-hater I'd like to thank your holy might For making me both rich and white And though this is your day of rest I come to you with one request: There's so much pain beyond this steeple Wars and d** and homeless people Sadness where there should be joy Hate and rape and Soulja Boy A world in darkness needs your light So I'm sure your schedule's pretty tight But my dog just had surgery If you could fix that first? JESUS!" Debra Messing's finger's in a holy place Hail Mary full of Grace Obama could you pa** some hope to the Pope I know a couple dudes who wanna elope See the church said nope so the bros can't cope The bros can grope but the bros can't cope They've been in love and they've been addicted Who said they shouldn't? Benedict did Cause in the holy land of the Lord He's the holy landlord And dicks are evicted Cause you can be a Benedict If you've been a dick under Benedict But you can't have Benedicts Because there's only one pope And only one dick What? yeah, a dick on a pope is Just like a soap on a rope Cause it's pointless, unless in prison Throw up your bibles, Christ has risen Hallelujah, now it's raining men Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10 Winos at the Eucharist station, trans-gendered-substantiation Jesus wasn't the Messiah Get back I'm a heretic and I'm on fire It was Oedipus those holy nights The holy motherf**ing Christ I'm a blasphemah Post-Katrina Cruising the marina On a crusade to cruise aids And blast FEMA You're too late, we're f**ed we don't need ya Amen, in the name of the father, son and holy ghost Head, shoulders, knees and toes Turn up your nose, strike that pose HEY MACARENA!