Bo Burnham - Channel 5 News: The Musical lyrics

Tonight at 10 The world is ending again And we know why and when So you better watch We got a bit with some feminist chick And also a picture of a starlet's crotch! Two people died, a double homicide Their bodies found inside Of a wishing well And we tackle the flaws In these obesity laws In this segment that's sponsored By Taco Bell We've got violence, danger, s**, and d** And it's awesome cause all of it's real! We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views That you feel... All of this and more and live Only on the Channel 5 News! Only on the Channel 5 News! [Spoken] We've got Chip Walker, live at the scene, with breaking news! Chip are you there? [Sung] Chip Walker here Am I coming in clear? I'm standing near To the scene of the crime This Iraqi guy's shop Seemed a newsworthy spot So we've been gathering shots here for quite some time Today, real fast The owner's daughter pa**ed We grabbed a shot of her a** While the owner was near Then he struck my chest And now he's under arrest And now you people have one less Man to fear This family's angry, crying, sad, and lost And it's awesome, cause all of it's real! I do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel... More as this develops live Only on the Channel 5 News! [Spoken] We go now to Max Stevens, with the weather for the weekend What are we looking at here, Max: umbrellas or picnic baskets? Max? Max?! We're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by Alright, we got a signal. Cut to Max [Sung] Good evening, hi It's your weather guy I advise you to buy Another lightning rod We didn't catch This impending disaster Maybe it's natural, maybe it's God The sliding mud The incoming flood Will never wash the blood From my greedy old hands! This job was fun, I had a pretty good run But I've never been one to give in to demands! People are angry, crying, sad, and lost And it's awful cause all of it's real! We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel... All of this and more and live Only on the Channel 5 Only on the Channel 5 Only-only-on