Bo Burnham - Love Is... (live) lyrics

Uhm, so this next song is about love, appropriately I love you like kings love queens Like a gay geneticist loves designer genes [jeans] I need you like New Orleans needs a drought Like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out And I want you, yeah Like a lawyer-slash-mathematician wants some kind of proof And I want you, yeah Like JFK wanted A car with a roof Because love is taking that dive Then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool And love is a real-life p**n Minus all the stuff that makes p**n cool And love is a homeless guy, searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and Finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate and Even though he's heart broken, he can't complain cause he was hungry in the first place Because I love you like Dora loves maps Like the Pope's toilet loves holy craps. (Just's a little one.) I need you like a voyeur needs a branch Like boys tossing salad need a little bit of Neverland Ranch And I want you, yeah Like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform And I want you like Anne Frank wanted Nobody to read her f**ing diary Cause a diary is a collection of secret things that no one's supposed to read, that's the whole point of a diary. Millions of people that breached this little girl's privacy after she was chased by Nazis; kick her while she's down And if we met in 10,000 BC I was your caveman, you's my cavelady If we got hot, we'd start rubbing If we got hungry, we'd go clubbing There's woolly mammoths, but I will protect us You're making me devolve to a h*mo erectus, mothaf**er And if we met in 1780 I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark-skinned servant lady...slave Whenever I could get away from the missus I go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses But let's be serious, I'd still work you full-time as a slave, there's a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socio-economic trends And if we met in 1941 I was a Nazi, you's a Gypsy on the run (That's a little redundant) That... probably wouldn't have worked out Because... Love is your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner And love is the Holocaust, 'cept you don't die quick and you don't get thinner And love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles And even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape Now you don't want to reduce it at all cause if the rape rate declines, you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles? Yeah, love is all about... Whistles. Thank you [Talking to Audience] Uh, that one was a bit vulgar, but uh, you know, dicks and vaginas are sorta like Coke and Pepsi, you know? Ah, I strongly prefer one, but my dad thinks they taste the same