Bloodhound Gang - I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks by The Bloodhound Gang lyrics

(mmmmmm if your a** is a Chinese restraunt, I'll have the poo-poo platter) My friend Jerry Handigriff kissed me in Home Ec. cla** Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my a** I said 'Guys I'm like you, I like monster trucks too, wanna see how many push-ups I can do?' I just wish I was queer so I could get Chicks dig guys that are queer Guys that don't dig chicks That don't dig guys like me See I'm not queer I'm too ugly But if I were handsome just imagine how great I would be Incognito as a gay though but not actually that way, the pseudoh*mophony Maybe it's a stupid fear of rear or maybe just stupidity If I was a queer I'd be in the fashion industry Scoring with a supermodel would be easy Because 'supermodel' means voluptuous but also it's synonymous with 'super dumb' You see, I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become A trusted friend that cares, that rubs her back and braids her hair No it wouldn't take a week before I'm in her underwear I wish I was queer so I could get Chicks dig guys that are queer Guys that don't dig chicks That don't dig guys like me See I'm not queer I'm too ugly Doesn't matter what I'm packing in my denim, it's what's in my genes The only smoked meat, the only sausage I would eat, is made by Jimmy Dean See, I'm not too keen on the smell of Vasoline No, I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis Hang out with my mom's hair stylist, his name is Kip, he's got a lisp, he talks like THIssssss And wear my mother's lingere and learn the songs of Broadway And appreciate Depeche Mode and ........? ballet I wish I queer so I could get Chorus And I don't shave my hiney, don't shave my hiney See I'm not queer I'm too ugly! And I don't shave my hiney, don't shave my hiney See I'm not queer I'm too ugly! And I don't shave my hiney, don't shave my hiney See I'm not queer I'm too ugly! --- .