Benefit - If I Owned a Midget lyrics

life's got me mad, but if i had a midget i'd be glad to watch him jump around on my nintendo power pad he'd have a big head, short legs and long torso the name that i'd give my pet midget is little gordo i'd teach him tricks like back flips and side kicks when company came over he'd preform and get tips while im eatin' at night in the kitchen he'd be able to get the food scraps that i threw under the table if my midget was ever bad and acted enraged then i'd take him to the bathroom and put him in his cage but if he kept actin' up and really made me sick i'd hang him upside down and poke him with a stick Little Gordo would be good, mosta the time though he'd like to wear a helmet and run around yelling "hiyo" i'd take im for walks in the park on the weekends and if he saw other midgets he'd say "can we be friends?" he'd only need a 3 foot coffin when he was dead and he be in the guinnus book for the worlds biggest head what a funny little fellow but dont call him a shrimp or he'll attack your legs cuz gordo's a tough gimp! he'd have a pogo ball that he'd bouce on for hours and dirty little fat head gordo wouldnt take showers when halloween came he wouldnt be a chump gettin' all the candy goin' around as a tree stump (like a midget at a urinal... i'm gonna have to stay on my toes) sometimes my friends would chase gorod with a gun it'd be fun because midgets wobble when they run they're so close to the ground and so easy to kick they're so slow in the head and so easy to trick gordo could do summersaults his special thing at the fair i would make him enter mud wrestling sometimes he wears stilts and pretend to be tall so i'd kick him over and then i'd laugh at him fall silly little gordo just be yourself i'd put wood on his head and he'd just be a shelf he'd do funny little dances but thats irrelivent at the beach gordo got attacked by pelicans he had a girlfriend once but she was an oger it didnt last long cuz he couldnt f** her sober gordo had a problem gordo wet the bed so i'd make him wear diapers on his a** and his head he'd have to clean up his own cage himself and if he lost a little weight he'd be a keibbler elf he'd really be somthin' my mangled little munchkin plus his head would be larger than any big pumpkin this perfect little fool would make a perfect foot stool sometimes i'd kick him in the head and say "b*tch BE COOL" i'd have a great life i'd be happy i know if i only owned a pet midget named gordo