Ben Folds - Bizarre Christmas Incident lyrics

Ho ho ho! Play it Grandpa. (Yeah, play it!) Let's tell them a little story about what happened this Christmas. (Yeah, tell them!) Christmas Eve I didn't get much sleep I kept hearing things heavy breathing from the chimney... who could it be? (I'll tell you what it was...) (What happened then, Ben?) (Yeah, what happened?) Well, I went back to sleep... (You went back to sleep?!) (sh**!) Tired man, went back to sleep. and in the morning I couldn't believe my eyes a whale of a corpse with a long, white beard was dangling over the fire (ha ha ha!) oh, Santa, he's a big, fat f** went down the chimney, got his fat a** stuck oh, honey call the lawyers fast, 'cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my a** hey, hey, hey! (hey!) Okay Grandpa, step up. Sing in this thing right here. Tell them what you saw, tell them what you saw, Grandpa! I gotta tell you folks he wasn't wearing no clothes (No clothes?!) he must have rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco from his back, down to his toes while I was talking to the cops outside, the dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs they hauled him away in a double-wide what a sad, sad way to die Santa, he's a big, fat f** went down the chimney, got his fat a** oh, honey call the lawyers fast, Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our a**