Gaston Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! Lefou Darn right. Gaston No one says "no" to Gaston! Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear. Lefou More beer? Gaston What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced. Lefou Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together. Lefou Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're ev'ryone's favorite guy Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on Lefou and chorus No one's been like Gaston A king pin like Gaston Lefou No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston Gaston As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating! Lefou and chorus My what a guy, that Gaston! Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!" Lefou Gaston is the best And the rest is all drips Chorus No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston Lefou In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston! Bimbettes For there's no one as burly and brawny Gaston As you see I've got biceps to spare Lefou Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny Gaston That's right! And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair Chorus No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston Lefou In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston Gaston I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptoooie! Chorus Ten points for Gaston! Gaston When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Ev'ry morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge! Chorus Oh, ahhh, wow! My what a guy, that Gaston! No one shoots like Gaston Makes those beauts like Gaston Lefou Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston Gaston I use antlers in all of my decorating! Chorus My what a guy, Gaston!