It took a few packed bags and a few slammed doors It took a false, false smile with a septic pause From my plastic moustache to your clip-on claws (In other words I hate you) It took a thousand fights with a thousand draws It took a blinkered vision for a long lost cause As Romeo leaves to light applause (And softly says I hate you) My attitude leaves a lot to be desired My fashion sense has never been quite right But I'd rather live in drainpipes Than with friends that I've acquired (In so many words I hate you) Those winter nights just spent indoors That criminal fizz in the drink he pours We smooch all night to "The Theme From Jaws" (In other words I hate you) What's yours is mine and mine is yours A screaming for a get out clause Here's the man with a thousand mother-in-laws (In other words I hate you) My looks leave a lot to be desired My music taste has never been the trend But me and Perry Como, well our patience has expired In so many words I hate you