Barry Louis Polisar - These Are Not My Children lyrics

They think it is so funny when they flatten my new hat. They think they are so clever when they try to dress the cat. They hide my car keys and my shoes. They kick and scream and fuss. And when do their homework, they leave it on the bus. But these are not my children; My kids are polite I think someone switched them In the middle of the night My kids never leave their clothes in piles on the floor And when they use the bathroom, they always close the door. My kids are so well behaved; they never ever fight They're patient and obedient and are extremely bright My kids listen when I speak, they follow every rule My kids do not yell at me, they're never late for school My kids don't drop cookie crumbs when they eat a snack My kids wear clean underwear; my kids don't talk back