Anthony Jeselnik - School s**s lyrics

One year in High School I ran for Cla** President, and I lost To a girl in a wheelchair... Now I'm not ashamed I know she definetely got the sympathy vote, but that's just because I ran really negative campaign... A vote for Anthony... His ideas have legs... You should all be laughing at that joke... There's no ramp here... This is f**ing easy... I'm like eight minutes in CD's already gone gold... When I was in College I got stuck in a dormroom, with this guy from Eastern Europe Now I don't know if there's a problem, with people from Eastern Europe But this guy would not shower, or use deodorant But I didn't have the heart to tell him that he smelled bad So one morning I left him a note... It said: " Dear Olaf... Get out of my Country." God I loved College... College was so great The only thing I didn't like about college was Calculus Did you guys take that sh**? Hated Calculus, hated it And I was failing Calculus so badly, that I tried to get my girlfriend, to sleep with my proffesor To get me an A But you know how chicks are... She forgot to mention me... My little brother, is in High School right now. 'n we're close But sometimes he'll take advantage of that Last week he calls me up and he goes " Anthony, I just cut school for no reason Now I need you, to write me a sick note, and then forge dads signature" And I did it, but I'm horrible at stuff like that His teacher just took one look at the note and said " Mickey, you expect me to believe this?... You don't have AIDS." And now if you like that AIDS joke... Lucky day You are gonna love You are gonna Love this next AIDS joke I just got an E-mail, from an ex-girlfriend of mine telling me that she has AIDS And I didn't know how to comfort her So I just wrote back... " I know." ... Maybe some of you guys noticed a pattern here... These are all great jokes... I just got back from my 10 year High School reunion The Prom Queen now weighs 300 pounds, and has 3 kids Heart-breaking... She used to have 5 kids