Anthony Jeselnik - Romance lyrics

My girlfriend, wants me be a better person So I can get a better girlfriend Whenever I meet a pretty girl, whenever I meet a pretty girl The first thing I look for is intelligence Because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine Couple of months ago I gave my girlfriend some fancy lengerie She actually got mad at me... Say Anthony I think this is more of a gift for you Than it is for me... And I said well, if you wanna get technical It was originally a gift for my last girlfriend Happy Valentine's Day Giving gifts is tough in any relationship I a**ume... Like this past Christmas I kept telling my girlfriend from months in advance, months Baby all I want from you this year is an X-Box, that's it Beginning and end of list, X-Box You know what she got me? A homemade frame With a picture of us from our first date together Which was fine... Because I got her an X-Box I should've got her a chocolate My girlfriend loves the chocolate She's always eating chocolate She likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction Like "Keep me away from those chocolate bars Anthony! I'm addicted to them!" And it is really annoying So I put her in a car, and took her downtown And I pointed out a crack addict and I said "You see that honey? Why can't you be that skinny?" You guys seem like nice people I don't wanna sound like a jerk here But that joke usually gets a standing ovation