Angel Haze - Cleaning Out My Closet lyrics

When I was 10, sh**, I believed I could fly I would just flap my f**ing arms and meet with the sky And in my mind I would envision I was speaking with God And then I chop his f**ing fist off and beat him with mine But this is just a f**ing portion of the war with my mind So I'm a take you f**ers back into the vortex of time When I was 7 envision me at the bottom of stairs And I silently swear that this is the truth no fallacy here See I was young man... I was just a toddler a kid And he wasn't the first to successfully try what he did He took me to the basement and after the lights would be cut He whipped it out in sight of my eyes and forced his co*k through my gut See it was weird because I felt that I was losing my mind And then it happened like it happened like millions of times And I would swear that I would tell but then they'd think I was lying And now the power that he held was like a beacon in mine So now I got used to it, I put up with the sh** And now my hate was so vocanically eruptive and sh** But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend what he do And they ate it up sh** I was like a buffet for 2 And then it happened then at home where everybody f**ing knew And they ain't do sh** but f**ing blame it on youth I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you But even you by then wouldn't know what to do And now it happened so often that he was getting particular And I more scared every time I worked in my speed and ventricular One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs He told me "Hey ray, I see you like them popsicle sticks So put your mouth on my dick and s** and swallow the spit" And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said I had no idea the affect it would have on my head My heart was pumping it was stumping with like tons of my fear Imagine being 7 seeing cum in yo underwear I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my bu*t Disgusting right, now let that feeling ring through your guts I thought of offing myself I thought of k**ing these n***as Wanted to take a f**ing brick and push their teeth through their liver Wanted to smash like the f**ing world and burn it's leftover part Wanted to rip it out and just f**ing step on my heart Then I grew up and I wasn't within a reach of these men But that didn't keep out of motherf**ing reach of my sin And psychologically I was just as f**ed as they come I was confused I had to prove I wasn't f**ed from the jump I was afraid of myself I had no love for myself I tried to k** I tried to hide I tried to run from myself There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was So I create the other people I would try to become Sexuality came into play and with as scarred as I was I was extremely scared of men so I start liking girls I started starving myself f**ed up my bodily health I didn't want to be attractive to nobody else I didn't want the appeal wanted to stop my own growth But there's a f**ing reason behind every scar that I show I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow My mental state is out of date and that's how far as I know My biggest problem was fear what being fearful could do It made me run it made me hide it made me scared of the truth I'm not deranged anymore I'm not the same anymore I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before I had to deal with my sh** I had to look at my truth To understand that to grow you gotta look at your root I had to cut off the dead I had to make myself proud And I'm just standing breathing living proof look at me now I made it through everything I made you look like a clown I'm f**ing great k f**ing hate you n***a look at me now And I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground The makings of a legend is often hiden in thorns So just move on and just be strong and just accept what you can Because it makes your story better when you read it, the end That's the story of every scar that I show I made it out this a mean nobody's goten before I had to open my wounds I had to bleed till I stop Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet I said I opened my wounds I had to bleed till I stop Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet