Andy M. Stewart - The Errant Apprentice lyrics

When I was a young apprentice and less than compos mentis I took leave of all my senses with a maid I fell in love. Her ringlets so entwined me Aphrodite's smile did blind me Cupid's arrow struck behind me and her father owned a pub. It was there I met my nemesis in her father's licensed premises Like the Seraphim of Genesis sat Mary Anne Maguire. Arrayed in fine apparel astride a porter barrel She looked the kind of girl that would fill you with desire. All the turtle doves were cooing as I took to my wooing Her Loveliness pursuing in the springtime of that year. But she thought I should be older and more gallant and much bolder In the uniform of a soldier 'tis then she'd hold me dear. In extremis and euphoria I joined with Queen Victoria For a spell of d**h or gloria a-fighting with the Boers. To the wind I threw all caution I'll return with fame and fortune And together make a portion of matrimony's chores. On the gravestone of her mother she swore she loved no other But I was to soon discover that she played me for a berk. For lady-luck had beached me and intelligence had reached me Whilst I'd been overseas she had married to a Turk. Well me, I then deserted for to find the girl who'd flirted Back to Ireland I reverted for my jealously was roused. In Maguire's Pub in Derry I found him making merry With his arms around my Mary as together they caroused. So I took my time and waited until his thirst was sated And home he navigated through the streets of Derry town. At his lodgins he stood knocking and whilst they were unlocking I put a stone into a stocking on his head I brought it down. 'Twas then the night's serenity was rent with loud obscenity And Ottoman profanity that I couldn't understand. With an oath he made to grab me with full intent to stab me But as he tried to kebab me I was screaming up the strand. All around the town's perimeter he chased me with his scimitar A powerful pa**ion limiter to an errant in his pride. Through the waterside he chased me to the Bridge of Foyle he raced me And at Derry Quay he faced me so I jumped into the tide. Sure bravery's no virtue when some heathen's trying to hurt you And all noble thoughts desert you when you see his curly knife. For there's many things worth trying for and occasionally worth lying for But there's bugger-all worth dying for so I'll stick to the soldier's life.