I am sometimes asked if I have any words of advice for young people.
Well, here are a few simple admonitions for young and old, man and beast.
Never interfere in a boy and girl fight.
Beware of who*es who say they don't want money. The hell they don't.
What they mean is that they want more money; much more, these are the most expensive who*es what can be got.
If you're doing business with a religious son of a b**h, get it in writing; his word isn't worth sh**, not with the good Lord telling him how to f** you on the deal.
If, after having been exposed to someone's presence, you feel as if you've lost a quart of plasma, avoid that presence. You need it like you need pernicious anemia.
We don't like to hear the word "vampire" around here; we're trying to improve our public image. Building a kindly, avuncular, benevolent image; "interdependence" is the keyword -- "enlightened interdependence".
Life in all its rich variety, take a little, leave a little. However, by the inexorable logistics of the vampiric process they always take more than they leave -- and why, indeed, should they take any?
Avoid f**-ups. Fools, I call them. You all know the type -- no matter how good it sounds, everything they have anything to do with turns into a disaster. Trouble for themselves and everyone connected with them.
A fool is bad news, and it rubs off -- don't let it rub off on you.
Do not proffer sympathy to the mentally ill; it is a bottomless pit. Tell them firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this drivel -- you are a terminal fool!" Otherwise, they make you as crazy as they are.
Above all, avoid confirmed criminals. They are a special malignant strain of fool.