I sat at a bar having a beer
Trying to hold down the stool
When a stranger walked in stood there beside me
And plopped down there like a fool.
He started drinking then he started talking
About things that were wrong in his life
The more that I heard the more I believed
The thing that was wrong was his wife.
You talk about beauty when we first met
She was all a man could desire
Talk about love one night with her
Would set your very soul on fire.
But loves little flame is out of control
About three feet high from behind
Ever since we've been married well, I've come to believe
That love's for the dumb and the blind.
'Cause you talk about ugly when she gets mad
She goes from Jek** to Hyde
She grits her teeth and her eyes roll back
And pivot from side to side.
She completely rewrites the whole English language
Descriptive four lettered and loud
Now I can't out think her but I can sure out drink her
And that's what I'm doing here now.
I've spent seven years with the wrong woman
Seven and going on eight
She spent seven years naggin' and eatin'
I'm overwrought and she's overweight.
If I try leavin' she has me arrested
And takes her own sweet time gettin' me out
If she ain't number one she's in the top two
Of things that I could live without.
Men commit murder and all kinds of mayhem
In a few years they're back on the streets
Highway robbery and white collar crime
And they laugh at the system they beat.
Sometimes I'm tempted sometimes I'm ashamed
Of the things that the law will allow
I could have k**ed her when I first met her
And I'd have been out of jail by now.
I could have k**ed her when we first met
And I've have been out of jail by now...