Victor was a little baby,
Into this world he came;
His father took him on his knee and said:
'Don't dishonour the family name.'
Victor looked up at his father
Looked up with big round eyes:
His father said; 'Victor, my only son,
Don't you ever ever tell lies.'
Victor and his father went riding
Out in a little dog-cart;
His father took a Bible from his pocket and read;
'Blessed are the pure in heart.'
It was a frosty December
It wasn't the season for fruits;
His father fell dead of heart disease
While lacing up his boots.
It was a frosty December
When into his grave he sank;
His uncle found Victor a post as cashier
In the Midland Countries Bank.
It was a frosty December
Victor was only eighteen,
But his figures were neat and his margins were straight
And his cuffs were always clean.
He took a room at the Peveril,
A respectable boarding-house;
And Time watched Victor day after day
As a cat will watch a mouse.
The clerks slapped Victor on the shoulder;
'Have you ever had woman?' they said,
'Come down town with us on Saturday night.'
Victor smiled and shook his head.
The manager sat in his office,
Smoked a Corona cigar;
Said: 'Victor's a decent fellow but
He's too mousy to go far'.
Victor went up to his bedroom,
Set the alarum bell;
Climbed into bed, took his Bible and read
Of what happened to Jezebel.
It was the First of April,
Anna to the Peveril came;
Her eyes, her lips, her breasts, her hips
And her smile set men aflame.
She looked as pure as a schoolgirl
On her First Communion day,
Both her kisses were like the best champagne
When she gave herself away.
It was the Second of April,
She was wearing a coat of fur;
Victor met her upon the stairs
And he fell in love with her.
The first time he made his proposal,
She laughed, said 'I'll never wed';
The second time there was a pause,
Then she smiled and shook her head.
Anna looked into her mirror,
Pouted and gave a frown;
Said: 'Victor's as dull as a wet afternoon
But I've got to settle down.'
The third time he made his proposal,
As they walked by the Reservoir,
She gave him a kiss like a blow on the head,
Said: 'You are my heart's desire.'
They were married early in August,
She said: 'Kiss me, you funny boy';
Victor took her in his arms and said:
'O my Helen of Troy.'
It was the middle of September,
Victor came to the office one day;
He was wearing a flower in his bu*tonhole,
He was late but he was gay.
The clerks were talking of Anna,
The door was just ajar,
One said: 'Poor old Victor, but where ignorance
Is bliss, etcetera.'
Victor stood still as a statue,
The door was just ajar;
One said: 'God, what fun I had with her
In that Baby Austin car.'
Victor walked out into the High Street.
He walked to the edge of town;
He came to the allotments and the rubbish heaps
And his tears came tumbling down.
Victor looked up at the mountains,
The mountains all covered with snow;
Cried: 'Are you pleased with me, Father?'
And the answer came back, 'No.'
Victor came to the forest,
Cried: 'Father, will she ever be true?'
And the oaks and the beeches shook their heads
And they answered: 'Not to you.'
Victor came to the meadow
Where the wind went sweeping by;
Cried: 'O, Father, I love her so',
But the wind said: 'She must die.'
Victor came to the river
Running so deep and so still;
Crying: 'O Father, what shall I do?'
And the river answered: 'k**.'
Anna was sitting at table,
Drawing cards from a pack;
Anna was sitting at table
Waiting for her husband to come back.
It wasn't the Jack of Diamonds
Not the joker she drew first;
It wasn't the King or Queen of Hearts
But the Ace of Spades reversed.
Victor stood in the doorway,
He didn't utter a word;
She said: 'What's the matter, darling?'
He behaved as if he hadn't heard.
There was a voice in his left ear,
There was a voice in his right,
There was a voice at the base of his skull
Saying: 'She must die tonight.'
Victor picked up a carving-knife,
His features were set and drawn,
Said: 'Anna, it would have been better for you
If you had not been born.'
Anna jumped up from the table,
Anna started to scream,
But Victor came slowly after her
Like a horror in a dream.
She dodged behind the sofa,
She tore down a curtain rod,
But Victor followed her up the stairs
And he caught her at the top.
He stood there above the body,
He stood there holding the knife;
And the blood ran down the stairs and sang:
'I'm the Resurrection and the Life.'
They tapped Victor on the shoulder,
They took him away in a van;
He sat as quite as a lump of moss
Saying: 'I am the Son of Man.'
Victor sat in a corner
Making a woman of clay,
Saying: 'I am Alpha and Omega, I shall come
To judge the earth some day.'