She was crowned "Miss Industrial Solvents"
Of Bulter County PA
She didn't just wave from a float
No! She had something to say
At a ribbon cutting
Or in line at the Dairy Queen
She took her title seriously
She spread the word about solvents
How they transformed our lives
They could remove nail polish
She spoke of Turpentine
In the bleachers at a football game
Or at Kingsley's Buffet
She took her title seriously
Subtle changes to the nervous system
Are a small price to pay
When you consider the role in our lives
That solvents play
Her scholarship to the community college
It was taken away
When it was discovered that
She'd plagiarized her essay
Her crown and title were given to another
Yes, she did know great shame
And the paper misspelled her name
She continued to speak about solvents
Though she'd been ordered to stop
Then one night outside Kingsley's Hardware
Someone called the cops
Restraining orders and words from a Judge
They ended her campaign
Now nothing would be the same
Carcinomas and birth defects
Are a small price to pay
When you consider the joy solvents bring
Each and every day
She got pregnant and dropped out of school
Before her Senior Year
She never got to read the Great Gatsby
The irony's so clear
In the checkout at Kingsley's Groceries
She has to bit her tongue
Where did it all go wrong?
It's been nearly 25 years
Since her title was taken away
Her grow son runs a meth lab
He uses solvents everyday
He uses solvents everyday