It's no go the merry-go-round
It's no go the rickshaw
All we want is a limousine
And a ticket for the feature
Their knickers are made of crêpe de chine
Their shoes are made of pylon
Their halls are lined with tiger roach
And their walls and legs are bisons
John McDonald found a corpse
Put it under the sofa
Waited till it came to life
Then hit it with a poker
Sold it's eyes for souvenirs
Sold it's blood for whisky
Kept it's bones for dumbbells
To use when he was fifty
It's no go the Odeon
It's no go Gavati
All we want is a bank balance
And a bit of skirt in a taxi
Fanny McDougall went to milk
Caught her foot in the heather
Went to hear a dance record
Playing of old Vienna
It's no go your maidenheads
It's no go your culture
All we want is a Dunlop tyre
And the Devil to mend the puncture
The Laird of Dulse spent Hogmanay
Declaring he was sober
Counted his feet to prove the fact
And found he had one foot over
Mrs. Carmichael had a fit
Vented her job in repulsion
Said to the midwife 'Take it away'
and threw it over production
It's no go the gossip coin
It's no go the daily
All we want is a mother's help
And a sugar stick for the baby
Willy Murray cut his thumb
Couldn't count the damage
Took the hide of an Ayrshire cow
And used it for a bandage
His brother caught three hundred Cram
When the seas were lavish
Threw the bleeders back in the sea
And went upon the parish
And it's no go the Herring ball
It's no go the Bible
All we want is a packet of f*gs
When our hands are idle
There's no go the Winter Palace
It's no go the stadium
It's no go the pansy cop
With a pot of pink Geraniums
It's no go the government grant
It's no go the elections
Sit on your arse for fifty years
And free your heart on a pension
It's no Jeremi, Hemming love
It's no go my poppet
Work your hands from day to day
The winds will blow the prophet
The gla** is falling hour by hour
The gla** will fall for ever
But if you break the bloody gla**
You won't hold up the weather