Link: I've sailed the seas, on the breath of the ocean breeze!
Battled some flaming keese, fought my way through
The Tower of Gods!
Met the fairy queen, a fat little man in green,
Rode the winds through the sky, fed a fish-man guy!
Won tons of rupees!
Guy from crowd: Hey, Zelda-
Link: It's Link
Guy from crowd: Tell us about the one time you found the wand of Gamalin(?)
Link: I don't know what you're talking about...
I smashed a thousand pots, I fired some cannon shots,
And thwarted all of Ganon's plots, just using
A sword and a wand!
Crowd: YEAH
Link: Made a Rito friend, while attacking Valoo's rear end
Learned the sword spin technique, found a boat that speaks,
And turns into a-
Crowd: IT'S THE DREAD PIRATE TETRA!!!
Tetra:(to the bartender) Milkshake! (To Link) What are you lookin at, fairy boy?
Link: Well, excuse me, princess!
Lady from crowd: So Tetra, how's the expedition going?
Tetra: We set sail for Greatfish Isle, but we're caught inside a storm!
Where a giant squid attacked us, and forced our ship ashore!
We stole bombs for all our cannons, then pushed out into the sea!
Where a thousand of sharks were waiting, which we blew to smithereens!
We were caught inside a cyclone, but we managed to get free. We pulled up a hefty treasure with a piece of heart or three.
Then we stumbled on a ghost ship, based on phases of the moon. Then we ravaged all those cabins, which were full of gold dabloons!
Link: Oh, weird. All I found was this treasure chart!
Guy from crowd: HOORAY FOR ZELDA!
Link and Tetra: It's Link!
Random choir: G-G-G-Ganondorf, G-G-G-Ganondorf, G-G-G-Ganondorf
Tetra: You look like you're having a pretty average day, Ganondorf.
Ganondorf: I'll take one of everything... on his tab!
Tetra: Aww, G, what's wrong?
Ganondorf: Well, I got forty guys dead and I don't know why, all my treasures are gone, all my friends are awry!
Someone messed up my word(?), all these girls have gone free, and there's a snotty green twerp-
Link: Yo, you lookin for me?
Ganondorf: WHAT THE-
Guy from crowd : GO ZELDA!!
Everyone: IT'S LINK!!
Link: I took my sister back
Ganon: I need her pointy ears
Link: You took her by mistake
Ganon: Wha- OH, IT'S BEEN A HUNDRED YEARS
Link: Get with the times!
Ganon: Go fly your stupid boat
Link: Go change into a pig
Ganon: Go slash a dozen gugos(?)
Link: Shave your beard!
Ganon: Fight some birds!
Link: Clean your skin!
Ganon: Learn some words!
Link: Prepare for owning!
Ganon: The wind is blowing!
Link and Ganon: NOW!!