I looked at the little waves the cool winds were making in the lake. The lake wasn't very big; you could see the million dollar rich people “cabins” on the other side. I never really paid much attention to what they looked like. Paying attention to any detail was never something I was very good at. All I knew was the “cabins” were owned by rich white people. There wasn't much of anything on this lake besides water and sand. No trees, no gra**, just sand and concrete for roads for the $200,000 dollar cars these rich white people drive around. The boats hooked up to the docks at each of the houses cost more than my parent's house. That's just pocket change to them practically. This place doesn't really make me happy, the only time I am happy out here is when I am drunk. Wait a few hours for the alcohol to actually hit me and I go back to being sad. In fact there was a cup full of vodka and lemonade right beside me. The weather was always cold and gloomy; the clouds were always a light gray. I would sit there for hours and watch the waves in the lake because it made me feel numb. I couldn't feel anything because being at that lake seemed like I was dreaming and not in reality. Sometimes I told myself I was happy out there, but I think I was happy to be out there because I thought I would be living the rich white people lifestyle one day. If I could never love anyone, at least I would be rich and could buy my temporary happiness. At least I could jump on a red Honda jet ski and fly across the lake. Still, watching the waves in the lake from the lawn chair would give me an excuse to think too much.