The dood on my right is wearing a scarf.
It's the height of the summer.
The girl on my left is a PR exec,
For some...PR company
My attention span diminished
As soon as the first 2 syllables were delivered from her lips.
Were all at house party.
We've just met
PR girl holds a bottle of Rose.
My bum-cheeks are slowly slipping into the sink,
Perched on the edge of the kitchen surface.
Scarf boy has one of those big bottles of upmarket Cider.
A minute ago he was opening cupboards,
Looking for a gla** to pour it into.
I would love it, if the scarf dipped into the gla** without him noticing.
PR and Scarf boy seem to be hitting it off.
Scarf boy already told us he runs 4 times a week,
10K at a time.
PR girl has apparently started running.
She's gone as far as purchasing some 'proper trainers'.
Any money, that despite proclaiming she's bought all this expensive gear,
She's too lazy to get off her arse and actually do it,
Yet will still insist on wearing the trainers to work,
With her office attire,
Creating the illusion of a fitness fanatic,
At the expense of looking ridiculous,
In one of western society's most horrendous mismatches.
Scarf boy is of an athletic build,
About 6ft 2.
His hair colour a light brown.
Immaculately waxed with not a strand out of place.
Even though everything looks out of place.
His hair matches the generic colour of these instant Ikea kitchen units.
Underneath his woolly purple scarf,
Is a tight fitting pink t-shirt,
Emblazoned on the front is some made to look faded emblem,
Of an American high school sports team.
PR girl has on a dress resembling a sari,
And scarf boy has tribal taboos,
Clawing out from underneath the the sleeves of his tight fitting pink t shirt.
Look past the fake tan and bronzer,
Clothing and tattoos from far flung places,
And they both seem about as cultured as a blank piece of paper.
And they're probably looking down at me?!
I might not pronounce all my t's,
I still wear Air Max ,
But I'm quite sure I could point out Fiji on a map,
And I aint even been there!
I bet they have!
On a gap year.
"You aright there you look troubled?"
sh**.
PR girl is talking to me.
I think quick.
"Who me, yea I'm fine, I think I'm slipping into this sink"
PR girl looks about 30.
Probably 25.
Long straightened hair blonde highlights.
Naturally chubby but quite pretty.
Though her personality suggests she's as boring and as bland
As a party political broadcast,
Delaying the start of Football Focus.
"We wouldn't want to come in and rescue you now"
What's PR girl trying to do?
Rescue me?
From the sink?
Any money she's got a membership some swa*ky gym,
With a ma**ive swimming pool,
Owns a whole load of expensive gear yet..
"Don't worry fella, I'm trained as a lifeguard"
Scarf Boy?!
Is Scarf Boy trying to mug me off in front of PR girl?!
Lifeguard!
Who's this prick think he is!?
Look at the state of him,
Straight out the Next catalogue.
Scarf Boy is as boring and as bland as PR girl.
They should do PR for bland brands of scarf's sold in airport departure lounges,
They were made for each other.
"Na, you're aright bruv,
I got my swimming badge in the cub scouts"
PR girl laughs.
'Ave that Scarf boy.
1 - 1
The quick equaliser.
Weren't expecting that now were ya!
Scarf boy tees himself up again
Looking as if he's going straight back on the counter attack.
"yea?
I was in cub scouts too.
You know what I was that sad
I actually went on to join Army Cadets"
Army Cadets.
Scarf boy!
You should have said!
I was in Army Cadets.
I reply
"Ditto mate. I trod the same path.
Cub scouts through to army cadets.
It was progress.
I liked it
It's was a laugh"
Damn.
Scarf Boy caught me off guard.
PR girl don't know where to look now.
"I was in Brownies, he he"
Shut-up PR girl you're out your depth!
Keep talking Scarf Boy I'm interested!
He speaks again.
"I loved it
Well,
I loved all the running round in bushes and getting camouflaged,
I weren't too fussed about all the discipline though,
Marching, keeping your uniform clean,
There was quite a lot of bullying looking back"
Wow.
Scarf boy has made me forget my sink sore arse
I'm now trawling through memories I've not visited since the middle of my teens.
I speak.
"Yea It was the same for me mate.
I left because I couldn't stand the demands anymore.
I was 14 or 15 being shouted at,
Like I was actually in the Army.
I think they forgot that it was supposed to be fun"
Do you know what?
Maybe Scarf Boy wasn't mugging me off.
He seems aright,
And it can get a bit cold outside,
In the summer.
It's England after all
Maybe he wears the scarf to keep himself warm?
He looks at both PR girl and me when he speaks again.
"I totally agree fella.
I think with me,
n the end I realised it just wasn't for me you know?
I wanted to go on lads holidays full of British people.
No culture,
Chips with all my meals.
Look at my tattoo's,
I got these done when I was 18 in Ibiza
To be honest with you though,
I'm just a big girls blouse really.
Look at me,
I'm wearing a scarf indoors for Christ's sake.
Anyway,
it was lovely to meet you both,
good luck with the running Claire.
My girlfriend is in this house somewhere, I best go find her."
It's just me and PR girl now.
Maybe I was being a bit harsh with her.
Oi, she's actually quite fit!
"So, Claire.
You went to brownies, I went to cubs
We should like, get together for a drink sometime and talk about it,
It could be a laugh!"
Pr girl twiddles her bottle of Rose.
Then returns a wave to some unknown face out in the hall way,
And without even looking at me she says,
"I don't think so."