Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a CARP license please
Licenser: A what?
Customer: A license for my network redundancy protocol, CARP
Licenser: Well, it's free isn't it?
Customer: Exactly, the protocol's name is CARP. CARP the redundancy protocol
Licenser: What?
Customer: He is an.... redundancy protocol
Licenser: CARP is a free redundancy protocol
Customer: Yes, I chose it out of three, I didn't like the others, they were all too... encumbered. And now I must license it
Licenser: You must be a looney
Customer: I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I wish to protect my redundancy protocol? I've heard tell that Network Associates has a pet algorithm called RSA used in IETF standards, and you wouldn't call them a looney; Geoworks has a claim on WAP, after what their lawyers do to you if you try to implement it. Cisco has two redundant patents, both encumbered, and Cadtrack has a patent on cursor movement! So, if you're calling the large American companies that fork out millions of dollars for the use of XOR a bunch of looneys, I shall have to ask you to step outside
Licenser: Alright, alright, alright. A license
Customer: Yes
Licenser: For a free redundancy protocol?
Customer: Yes
Licenser: You are a looney
Customer: Look, it allows for bleeding redundancy doesn't it? Cisco's got a patent for the HSRP, and I've got to get a license for me router VRRP
Licenser: You don't need a license for your VRRP
Customer: I bleeding well do and I got one. It can't be called VRRP without it
Licenser: There's no such thing as a bloody VRRP license
Customer: Yes there is
Licenser: Isn't
Customer: Is
Licenser: Isn't
Customer: I bleeding got one, look! What's that then?
Licenser: This is a Cisco HSRP patent document with the word "Cisco" crossed out and the word "IETF" written in in crayon
Customer: The man didn't have the right form
Licenser: What man?
Customer: Robert Barr, the man from the redundancy detector van
Licenser: The looney detector van, you mean
Customer: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest
Licenser: What redundancy detector van?
Customer: The redundancy detector van from the Monopoly of Cizzz-coeee
Licenser: Cizzz-coeee?
Customer: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant! I never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a failover configuration at 400 yards! And my Cisco router, being such a flappy bat, was a piece of cake
Licenser: How much did you pay for that?
Customer: Sixty quid, and twenty grand for the PIX
Licenser: What PIX?
Customer: The PIX I'm replacing
Licenser: So you're replacing your PIX with free software, and yet you want to license it?
Customer: There's nothing so odd about that. I'm sure they patented this protocol too. After all, the IETF had a hand in it
Licenser: No they didn't
Customer: Did
Licenser: Didn't
Customer: Did, did, did and did
Licenser: Oh, all right
Customer: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a CARP license?
Licenser: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one
Customer: In that case, give me a Firewall License
Licenser: A license?
Customer: Yes
Licenser: For your firewall?
Customer: No
Licenser: No?
Customer: No, half my firewall. It had an accident
Licenser: You're off your chump
Customer: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not entirely up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little half firewall, I shall have to ask you to listen to this! Take it away CARP the orchestra leader
A zero... one.. A one zero one one
VRRP, philosophically
Must ipso facto standard be
But standard it
Needs to be free
Vis a vis
The IETF
You see?
But can VRRP
Be said to be
Or not to be
A standard, see
When VRRP can not be free
Due to some Cisco patentry
Singing...
La Dee Dee, 1, 2, 3
VRRP ain't free
O P E N B S D
CARP is free
Is this wretched Cisco-eze
Let through IETF to mean
My firewall must pay legal fees?
No! CARP and PF are Free
Fiddle dee dum
Fiddle dee dee
CARP and PF are free
1 1 2
Tee Hee Hee
CARP and PF are free
My firewall just keeps running, see
Bisected accidentally
One summer afternoon by me
Redundancy's good when free
Redundancy must be free
Redundancy must be free
The End
Under the Geddy Lee?
No, Redundancy must be free
Geddy must be free