[Part One: Nightmares]
[Verse 1: Josh Smith]
I'm starting to feel distant
Looking at my inner self and doubting life decisions
I'm addicted to clicking and searching pics of naked women
I just pray to The Lord all my sins are forgiven
Try repenting but can't, don't know how much I can take
If you ain't me then you simply cannot fathom what's at stake
Man I'm serious, this is a career I'm tryna make
It's hard being around people who got money in the bank
When you broke (broke), tryna stay afloat
Unaware of the trials and tribulations up ahead
Walking through a place knowing that you could end up dead
Cuz your shirt the color red where the blues live
And I ain't tryna get shot like Proof did
Never catch me slipping even though I am a loose fit
Inexperienced and underestimated
But working constantly just so I can tell you that I made it
Word explosions and mind implosions I'm staring in the distance
Questioning my existence blocked by unintended inhibitions
Story book of my life, but the rest is still unfinished
It's unwritten what'll happen if I keep flipping these pages
Semi-depression I'm caged into this prison
Amazing how I stay in it when I know I'm about to give in
I'm sick of it I'm in bed and I'm tossing, turning and shiverin'
Waking up quivering, in cold sweats, Lord please deliver me
Some shut eye, cuz I never get to sleep
Wolves in my mind devouring and slaughtering the sheep
Craving for some peace at night when I'm having my dreams
But in reality it's all wishful thinking, truthful speaking
I'm having nightmares
[Screams, roars, gunshots, laughter, chaos]
[Part Two: Lucid Dreams]
[Heartbeat]
[Hook: Josh Smith]
My body is gone, I'm lucid dreaming again
A loss of feeling it seems like it's just me and the pen
My body is gone, I'm lucid dreaming again (x2)
[Bridge: Josh Smith]
Slow my thoughts down just so I could keep up
Inner voices are telling me I'm not good enough
My uncertainties and doubts are slowly rising up
Everything as it seems wants me to give it up
[Verse 2: Josh Smith]
I'm nothing
That's what I think as my nightmares turn lucid
It's too much pressure, don't know if I can do this
What if people think my project is stupid?
What if they think that my rapping's a nuisance?
Am I good or is that just something they say?
Will I be D-list or will I be on Sway?
Up at night, I just hope and I pray
That my insecurities would all go away
Will I ever be better at freestyle than Ye?
Will I ever be someone kids can look up to?
Will I always be someone that you can run to?
Will I be a failure or will I become successful?
Will life always be stressful?
Will rhymes always flow through my pencil?
Am I just a person or can I be a vessel?
Am I just a human being or can I be a stencil?
Carving the way for others up ahead
Or will I simply be one that they all laugh at instead?
What if I'm too generous and end up like Hammer?
What if my music doesn't get me that bread?
If they Google search my name, will actually they find me?
Or will they see the guy that's bouncing the Spalding?
What if rapping isn't really my calling?
What if thoughts no longer flow from my head?
Will people miss me if one day I was dead?
A dark thought, but a genuine fear
I'm so afraid of the future and what it brings near
My life pond's turning murky when it used to be clear
My mind in overload, can't process these thoughts
Cuz what I got is all I got, and it ain't even that hot
It's not, my thoughts in knots, memories are forgot
As I fought to regain consciousness, can't take it
Feel like I'm wasted
And I black out
[Part Three: Unconscious]
[Verse 3: Josh Smith]
It's like I'm unconscious
I don't feel like me anymore
It feels like I'm nauseous
So sick, got one foot out the door
I don't know where my life is headed
But I know one thing's for sure
I'm unconscious
Just lost in this world
[Verse 4: Josh Smith]
Just a wanderer, he's wandering
Wondering what's become of him
It's lightninging, it's thundering
He's blundering, he's struggling
Losing hope, he's about to just give up and then
He looks up and his eyes begin to open and
He's home again