Verse 1:
Have they all gone?
Yes! It's Neil's turn
No more writers to whine
Now the whole show is mine
Verse 2:
No more Nathan
With his bean dip
Say goodnight, Frankenstein
‘Cause it's my turn to shine
Verse 3:
I can do all of their jobs
I can just play with these knobs
And I'll sound fine
Verse 4:
It's a one-man
Like Hal Holbrook
Like that showcase for Liza
It's “Neil with an I”
Verse 5:
Hey Felicia
You were great, kid
But you just had to die
‘Cause there's no “Team” in “I”
Verse 6:
I'll sing my own harmonies
I'll go as low as I please
Or I'll go high
Verse 6:
Welcome everybody to my commentary
I've got so much talent it's a little scary
Is my every random thought insightful – very
Not just entertaining; I'm luminary
Verse 7:
I'll charm the chicks
Are those things real? Ha!
Do magic tricks
Was it the Three of Clubs? Ho!
Lay down some tap
And I can rap
Verse 8:
My name is Neil and I'm here to say…
No I can't rap
That was painful
Let's move on the the part
Where I talk about art
Verse 9:
Look at that shot
We used cameras
There's a boom guy in frame
He was great – What's his name?
Verse 10:
What was his name?
What should I say?
The choices are endless
And here I am at last, alone, and friendless
No I'm not friendless
I've got some friends
They'll be here when this ends
If this ends