{THOMAS}
And so I started writing. Anything and everything got put on paper. A one-sentence preface-
{ALVIN}
-from a book I gave you-
{THOMAS}
-nudged me into a "neat career" as...
(THOMAS tears this page from his notebook and tosses it aside.)
This isn't about me
{ALVIN}
Isn’t it?
{THOMAS}
"We are gathered to honor the life of Alvin Kelby..."
Write what you know, Tom
Write what you know
{ALVIN}
"A Stupid, Squashable Bug". A story about Alvin and Thomas
{THOMAS}
One afternoon when I was fourteen, I "borrowed" one of the magazines my father kept hidden in his nightstand
I found Alvin at the bridge by thе falls, staring intently at a bu*terfly
{ALVIN}
Tom! Watch this!
They say that еvery time this bu*terfly flaps... it causes a tiny ripple in the air that can... spread out and grow and change wind currents and weather patterns. They call it "The bu*terfly Effect". One flap could cause a blizzard in Africa
{THOMAS}
To any other fourteen-year-old, Alvin was a freak
{ALVIN}
I prefer the term "individual"
Watch...
(Together they watch the bu*terfly... for a long time.)
{THOMAS}
This is ridiculous!
Al, we're starting high school in the fall
And you don't seem prepared for that at all
When everything is different, and the kids are mostly new
You’ll see high school can be hard on
Individuals
Like you
{ALVIN}
Woah! It's flapping!
{THOMAS}
It's a bug! A stupid, squashable bug!
Look at this magazine, Alvin
See what regular guys are obsessed with
You're chasing insects
While you could be learning
What Miss April tattooed
Her giant breast with!
{ALVIN}
Get that out of my face!
{THOMAS}
Being eccentric was fine
When it was just junior high
If you wanna fit in at high school, Al
Be normal!
Just try
"Miss April likes action movies, stock car racing, and soup." You like soup!
{ALVIN}
She looks uncomfortable
Oh, crap, where did the bu*terfly go?!
{THOMAS}
You're gonna need to be different, Alvin
You gotta draw less attention
It's better to just be like one of the crowd
Then a dweeb who dropped in from the fifth dimension
{ALVIN}
(finds the bu*terfly)
There you are!
{THOMAS}
Wouldn't you like to be more
Than just that weird Kelby kid?
You could fly under the radar, Al
Be normal
{ALVIN}
Shh!
{THOMAS}
No more playing with bugs, Alvin
No more wearing your dead mother's robe
There are bullies and thugs, Alvin
Every one a potential Alvin-o-phobe...
{ALVIN}
(as the bu*terfly flaps)
Woah!
{THOMAS}
The tiniest transgression
Like to stick out or rebel
Will destroy their first impression
And turn high school into hell!
AL!
{ALVIN}
SHH!
{THOMAS}
I threw Miss April at the bu*terfly!
{ALVIN}
No!
(He watches the bu*terfly fly away.)
It’s flapping... it’s flapping, it's flapping a lot, oh my God, there’s no telling what chain of events you just set into motion!
{THOMAS}
Nothing's gonna happen!
(THOMAS goes to leave, but ALVIN stops him.)
{ALVIN}
Don't move!
If a stupid, squashable bug can have that kind of power... what about us?
{THOMAS}
Alvin moved his finger-
{ALVIN}
What do you think that did?
{THOMAS}
-and then his hand-
{ALVIN}
-or that?
{THOMAS}
-and then his whole arm-
{ALVIN}
-or that??
{THOMAS}
-until he was flapping around like some crazed pterodactyl!
{ALVIN}
WOO-OOH! Look at me, Tom! I'm changing the weather! I’m, I'm re-directing the jetstream... I'm melting the polar ice caps!!
{THOMAS}
Nothing is changing, you look like an idiot!!
Nobody said it was easy, Alvin
Nobody said it was pretty
And hearing this stuff from a friend may be hard
But not knowing at all would be twice as sh*tty
You'll get through high school unnoticed
Then you'll thank me, you'll see
So don't be the guy who bucks every trend
{ALVIN}
Give me that magazine
(ALVIN picks up the magazine and looks closely at the cover.)
{THOMAS}
Who I have to justify and defend
{ALVIN}
I didn't see that before-
{THOMAS}
Yeah!
If you wanna keep being my best friend
Be normal
(ALVIN plucks something from the page.)
{ALVIN}
A caterpillar!
{THOMAS}
Like-
(THOMAS quickly selects a story. The memory shift abruptly. ALVIN falls to the ground against an unseen assailant.)
{ALVIN}
(panicked)
TOM!!
{THOMAS}
"Bullies and Thugs"
{ALVIN}
TOM!!
{THOMAS}
A story about Alvin Kelby
{ALVIN}
TOM!!
{THOMAS}
For our tenth grade Halloween party, Alvin came to school dressed as his mother's ghost again, bathrobe and all!
{ALVIN}
Tom!!
{THOMAS}
What was cute at six was just weird at fifteen!
{ALVIN}
Tom!!
{THOMAS}
Donnie Carter chased Alvin all the way to the bridge, and, by the time I got there, had him pinned to the ground and was pummeling him mercilessly!
{ALVIN}
Tom!!
{THOMAS}
Get off him!
{ALVIN}
Tom!!
{THOMAS}
I said get off him now!
{ALVIN}
He's got my robe, Tom...
{THOMAS}
Give him the robe, Donnie!
{ALVIN}
Please, give it back...
{THOMAS}
Give it back now!!
{ALVIN}
No... don't do that, no, no, no, please, please, DON'T!!
{THOMAS}
...Donnie threw the robe over the side of the bridge and ran away
We watched it disappear over the falls
(pause)
...but seriously, Al, what were you thinking?