(On screen)
My impression of university.
Liberal studies: I couldn't get into law so I had to settle for this.
Medical science: I couldn't get into medicine so I had to settle for this.
Engineering: I saw a girl in a lecture once.
Student politics: Improving student life. Ha, we just want to have a good résumé.
Foreign lectures: Bong-bang-bing-bong-bow-wah. And you've got a test on that topic tomorrow.
Everyone in a group a**ignment: I did so much more work than everyone else.
Ski society: We don't care about skiing. We just want to get drunk and have s** with each other.
Theatre/acting: Oh, I could've done finance but I'd rather pursue my lifelong ambition of acting.
Ten years later: I should've done finance.
Mature age students: Hey, tutor. Look at all this extra work that I did.
Nursing/school work: Money is not an issue for me.
Ten years later: I need money.
Guys on campus: Every girl here is so hot.
Girls on campus: Every guy here is so hot.
Health science/nutrition: Oh, my god. They're even hotter in here.
What law students say: You study art. That's wonderful.
What they mean: Never speak to me again, you peasant.
Business society: We don't care about business. We just want to get drunk and have s** with each other.
All societies: We don't care about any of our societies. We just want to get drunk and have s** with each other.
Ninety-nine percent of uni students: We don't care about uni. We just want to get drunk and have s** with each other.
Religious societies: We need to get drunk and have s** with each other.
International students from Europe or US: I just got bored of getting drunk and having s** with people in my country.
International students from Asia: I don't get drunk or have s**. I work hard.
Teaching: I can't wait to inspire the next generation.
Ten years later: I hate kids.
Law revue: Wow, that was really good.
Every other revue: Wow, that was terrible.
Dentistry: I didn't get into medicine so I had to settle for this.
Pharmacy: I couldn't get into medicine so I had to settle for this.
Commerce: I couldn't get into medicine so I had to settle for this.
Asians and Indians not doing medicine: I couldn't get into medicine so I had to settle for this.
SRC during elections: We're going to annoy everyone.
Drama society: Don't be silly. We're not a cult.
Science: I saw a girl in a lecture once. She was really fat and wearing a Zelda t-shirt. I think I'm in love.
Political science: I didn't get into law so I had to settle for this.
Physiology: I couldn't get into law so I had to settle for this.
International studies: I couldn't get into law so I had to settle for this.
Media: I couldn't get into law so I had to settle for this.
Every white person not doing law: I couldn't get into law so I had to settle for this.
Arts: (Smoking from a bong)
Arts: (Holding a bong) I couldn't do anything so I had to settle for this.
Communication degree: Am I supposed to learn anything in this degree?
Professor of communication: (Holding a bong) I've got no idea.
Colleges: (Holding alcoholic beverage) Let's get all the precious to s** our dicks.
Liberal frontbench: Let's get Julie Bishop to s** our dicks.
Information technology (IT): I really much enjoy information technology in India so I come to Australia to study it. Get it? Study it.