Morgan McCashland
1. Describe a time when you told somebody a lie. Include the details that explain why you felt the need to tell it?
The past can haunt you on any day at any given moment, at any given time. It can creep into your memory and suffocate your soul and mind. Many times in the past I can easily shake off problems or things, but there is one moment in my life that I am not sure if I will ever forget. This memory isn't about lying to get out of a situation or bind, its about hiding feelings that you knew were true at the time. I lied to myself, over and over again to hide the pain, anguish, and loss of someone I knew I loved. That June day, I watched a rusted old ford drive away bound for Texas, surely never to return.
Every year around this beautiful month of June, I replay every day I spent with a guy that got away. It happened so quickly like a fire that lit up the dry gra** of a Western Nebraska prairie, I knew that could never be extinguish in the back of my mind. He came from a small little town I'd never been and it happened on a summer night's whim. He introduced himself around the then vacant bonfire after noticing the pain in my face while holding my foot. He had this genuine vibe about him that made me feel a connection the instant we locked eyes. His smile was genuine and warm; it might have been the fire but something about his presence made me melt.
We hung out every chance we could after that night. He took out 11 slivers from my foot around that bonfire and for the rest of the month of June I had to be with him. He loved being outdoors, and luckily so did I. We explored across little towns all over central Nebraska. We spent a day on the lake discussing life, drinking bud light limes, and catching nothing but feelings. But the last part was a lie, for him at least. I was more than hooked from the moment we began talking the very first night. It felt like a perfect country song, we watched stars on top of a pasture cliff all night long. You haven't lived until you've gone out to nowhere Nebraska and watch the sky change from a rusty orange, red sunset to a sky that is full of life by the light of the stars. I wished on many of the shooting stars that raced across the open sky that night in June but I couldn't stop the inevitable.
June 29th, 2014, was the day I told a lie that has continued to have grip on my heart and soul. After 29 days together, the fastest month of my entire life, I watched a boy leave everything he knew behind. We only got a short month but it's been over a year and I can still replay details of conversations, and moments of pure bliss. I knew in my heart I fell in love with this boy from the moment I saw him. Before he left that morning his last words still sting like a newly opened wound. He said, “he would never forget me, forget June, and all the memories we made in that short month” but the moment he said, “I think we should move on” I had never experienced heart ache before until that moment. I smiled, nodded, and agreed with what he had just told me. I lied, I said okay and pretended to be happy for him and his new journey in Texas but I lied not only to him about how I felt, but also to myself. I saw him on television last night for the first time since seeing him last June. His baseball team didn't make it to the CWS but my heart still jumped from my chest the moment I saw his face for the first time in over a year. Heartache is real, moments of love can be short but they are true, and I lied.