From the hard shoulder
To the inside lane
Shrugging off juggernauts
And hondas as that song was
Chug-chug-chugging through her brain
(Struggling to remember her own name)
Hence
We christened her
Charlotteorsarahjane
Cloned from the spit and snot
Of fifties harlots
Personality split
She spent ten
Long
Years on the shelf
And now
She's here
Doing a pretty impressive
Impression of herself
I always knew she'd graduate early
From our underground facility
The september air turns her breath
Into sticky clouds of WD-40
She tosses her wire for hair
Grits her needles for teeth
Rolls her marbles for eyes
As she vainly struggles
To remember her next lines
What a girl
She infuses some glamour and glitz
Into the musings of old men
Who smirk as their dirty little prayers
Addressed to themselves and their heirs
Erupt from her rubb'ry lips
In the basement
Uncanny reserves rehearse the same six songs
Upstairs
They drink and discuss the mortality rates of platinum blondes
And how most soft drinks never seem to hit the spot
Clifford frigs himself as pigeons slide into listed buildings
As he fingers the life support machine
Of a chav queen, chav christ, ritual sacrifice
Rosy-cheeked and dewey-eyed
Weeping about the witch waiting at the top of her drive
Whom no-one else seems to see
Cliff has her on speed dial number five
On a chequerboard in reverse order
I read allow the sources of my boredom
Morons on forums worldwide have simultaneously decided
There is no more art or fashion, only
Records that whisper 'hooray for satan'
If you spin em arse-backwards
A fresh a**ignment lands on his desk
As he privately expresses regret
At never having seen any eye whites
Only broken bodies after the fact
Likens it to seeing war stuttering
Through a phone camera lens
Check out the blitzkrieg in ten million pixels
'Oh the humanity' on the digital zoom
(And when he quits) he returns
To walk our streets with all the style
Of benefit cheats and tax exiles
Mumbling
She doesn't exist if no-one's taking pictures
If she isn't performing its as though she was never born
I'm just writing you this quick note to say:
Happy happy handlers day