[CHORUS:]
Moleman, Hans Moleman, you cant keep Hans Moleman down
Moleman, Hans Moleman, you cant keep Hans Moleman down
[VERSE 1:]
Hans Moleman is his name a.k.a. Ralph Melish
Hes a stone cold player Arti Ziff was mad jealous
when he dated Selma first, plus hes only 31
Drinking ruined his life, its such a sad story son
Got a knife in his cane and a fire in his loins
The indie movie star who took a football to the groin
Burns thought he was a leprechaun, drilled him in the head
Slept with Lars Ulrichs grandmother then chilled with her in bed
Hes more metal than Metallica, though thats not so hard
Homer drove him off a cliff, so impatient in his car,
He was hauling Poes house, just another day for Hans
but hes back on his feet cause hes the motherflipping man
You know theres no escape from the Fortress of the Moles
Hes been burnt, run over buried, but hes still on a roll
Hes been radiated, detonated, heart broken twice,
The Lazarus of Springfield, always coming back to life his name is
[CHORUS:]
Moleman, Hans Moleman, you cant keep Hans Moleman down
(Hes the bad luck Brian of 920 Oak Grove, Hipster Gla**es so thick and round)
Moleman, Hans Moleman, you cant keep Hans Moleman down
(Cause hes trying out for Poochie while hes waiting on his kidney, hes the talk of the whole darn town)
[VERSE 2:]
Have you seen his green pants, have you seen his new shirt?
He wasnt yelling Boo!, he was yelling Boo-Urns!
Attacked by Roomba robots gone anthropomorphic
Hes part Droopy the Dog and part Kenny McCormick
He was riding on his Harley on the cover of his bio
Crashed into Planet Hype yeah he's been up there for awhile
He was texting Homer hit him, well surprise, he survived!
hes twice as cool as Millhouse though he cant really drive
Have you ever felt crushed by the weight of the planet?
If you have, let me tell you that Hans Moleman understands it,
But youve got to get up, youve got to put on your tie
Lace up your orthopedic shoes, and look up at the sky
And say hey, Solar rays, today you wont burn me up
Keep that Moleman PMA, you can break out of that rut,
Cause when youre stuck in the snow and youre starting to turn purple
Just remember Hans Moleman when the wolves start to circle
[CHORUS:]
Moleman, Hans Moleman, you cant keep Hans Moleman down
(Cause hes like Cowabunga dudes, with a skateboard in his hand
Hipster gla**es so thick and round)
Moleman, Hans Moleman, you cant keep Hans Moleman down
(Even in his iron lung, well hes still dependable
He's the talk of the whole darn town)
[BRIDGE:]
This player was the mayor over thirty years ago
brought an anthem to the people he told everyone he wrote
then one day it was discovered that whole thing was hoax
so they tied him to a horse out in the desert, let him go
[CHORUS:]
Moleman, Hans Moleman, you cant keep Hans Moleman down
Moleman, Hans Moleman, you cant keep Hans Moleman down