This morning it occurred to me
I might not look quite like a natural blonde
And I can't help but feel conned
The picture on the package
Showed a model with no baggage
Promising wild s** and marriage
With a big color chart wand
This morning it occurred to me
I never will quite have a supermodel's legs
(Never in a million years)
Unless I cut each one in half
And become half an octopus, oh to
Become synonymous with c**aine
Glamour, riches, beauty and crack
I took a trip to the National Gallery for
There was something more refreshing in what Ruben saw
My supermodel's legs
Think they were plucked from a rubenesque world
(Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah)
My supermodel's legs
Look pretty crap on a five foot four girl
(Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
Oh women, men and in-betweens
Why don't you just stop dieting?
Go bake, eat cake, go cheer, drink beer
Worrying is b-boring
If people said eat loads of cake
You wouldn't want much anyway
And then you wouldn't stuff your face
And look like King Henry the 8th
Present, we're told off every day
For living our lives the wrong damn way
"s** my left one"'s what I say
If I want six coffees a day
Oh women, men and in-betweens
Why don't you just stop dieting?
Go bake, eat cake, go cheer, drink beer
Worrying is boring
Oh, I get more turned on by
Pink cupcakes than h**n
Not rock and roll
I'm much more Mary Poppins
Oh, supermodel's legs
They never held up much weight in my world
(Ooh-ah, ooh-ah, ooh-ah, ooh-ah)
Oh, supermodel's legs,
'Cause women should be women, girls should be allowed to be girls
(Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah)
(Too right!)