In an attic flat in Dundee town,
A poor old woman spread the tale around
That she lived all her life in her old top flat
With no company but her old tom cat
Fifty years in a wee top flat
The poor old woman and her old tom cat
Now one night they sat by the fire quite glum
When who do you think came down the lum (chimney)
I'm your fairy Godmother, so have no fear
To grant three wishes they sent me here
The old woman looked down at her empty purse
I could always use some cash of course
The fairy godmother waved her wand around
And lying on the floor was ten thousand pounds
Now a lovely figure and a face divine
For just one night I wish were mine
Says the fairy godmother, "I'll have a go!"
And she made her look like Marilyn Monroe.
This lovely girl by the fire she sat
She turned her attention to the old tom cat
He's my only love so here's my plan
Tonight please make him a handsome man
This handsome man at last drew near,
And he whispered softly in her ear.
The night is young but you'll regret
The day you took me to the vet...!!!